Leopika Oneshots

Not A Lot Of Planning

CW: mentions of drug use, drinking, jokes about dead family, abuse, rape (none if these jokes I would ever say, it's extremely rude and insensitive, if you would say any if these, learn how to be a good person and maybe how to get some ass)
Kurapika POV

"So...where should we go?" I asked Leorio, "There's McDonald's, that really expensive Italian place that I can't pronounce the name of, that really expensive Indian restaurant that I also can't pronounce, that one pizza place the kids go to..."

Leorio sighed, "I don't know Kurapika. But definitely not that Italian place. Why can't we just have it here?"

"Because...going out is more...better?"

"That's not proper grammar."

"No, really?" Kurapika replied sarcastically before sighing, "I mean we could have it here but is there enough room for your family?"

He shrugged, "Probably not, but it can be a cookout in the backyard. I'm surprisingly good with a grill, just not an oven, sometimes a stove. And I'm also inviting some friends."

"Oh joy, more mouths to feed."

Leorio sat up, "Alright. What's up your ass?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, but last night it was you."

"Funny." He sighed, "All I'm asking is if you're alright?"

"Actually I'm not because I've been thinking about why I'm so upset about life, and I decided it's your fault." I set my phone down and looked up at him.

"Oh." He sat back, "How so?"

"You in general, secondhand smoke, the drugs in your system, your ethnicit-"

"Hold on-"

"Your ethnicities' health issues, Mr.Jump-to-conclusions."

He shook his head, "Is that all?"

"No. But I don't feel like saying the rest." I picked up my phone again.

"Ooh, but can I guess too? Let me guess, let me guess..." He sat back in his chair, "Umm let's see...oh! I got one! You drinking!" He smiled coldly, "This game is fun."

I glanced up at him, "If you're trying to get me even more pissed, it's not working."

"Does that mean I can continue guessing? Oh how fun!" He tapped his chin, "Your ethnicity, you getting near me as I smoked outside, and maybe just maybe fucking karma."

"Okay wow." I rolled my eyes, "Karma? Really? All you could come up with?"

"You want more?"

"Oh yes please," I said with sarcasm.

"Hmm...not telling your husband who is a doctor that you're depressed, the Kurta DNA-"

I scoffed, "Excuse me?"

He put his hands up, "You said the same thing."

"You are unbelievable."

"Sorry just playing the game-"

"What game Leorio? This isn't a fucking game!"

"Yeah it is, it's called 'Why Kurapika Can't Handel Himself and his Lame Ass Excuse is Always Because of his Dead Ass Family'."

I sharply inhaled, "Oh my bad I thought it was 'Why to Never Marry an Abuse Victim.'"

"How original." He gasped, "Totally not like you bring up my abuse every argument we have!"

"Would you prefer me to bring up how your step-brother is actually your son?" I smiled at him.

He blinked, "Go fuck yourself."

"Go fuck your mom again." I gasped, "Oh wait, you didn't want to did you? Or that's at least what you told the court."

"You took way too many steps over the line." He stood up, "You can sleep on the couch tonight. We can plan this later."

"Whatever."