𝘐𝘕 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 ~|HYUNLIX|~

71

Felix didn't bother going back to Minhos' house despite of feeling guilty not saying proper goodbye to his bestie who's celebrating his special day but that's not what's wrapping in his head at the moment.

His cheeks are soaking with his unstoppable tears pouring down to his chin, the tears goes dripping down to the dried, cemented street he's walking at. He tried to take deep breaths and calm himself because Jesus Christ, Felix was sobbing awfully he almost ran out of oxygen. He stopped his track for awhile and clutched his tightening chest, knees went boneless, dropping his body on the street. And once again, the tears streamed down from his eyes, painful sobs slipping in his aching throat.

"I-i'm s-s-sorry, H-HyunJ-Jin. I'm r-really s-sorry." Felix choked in between his cries. He closed his fist tight and slammed his folded hand on his chest, not sure if he's trying to take the ache away from his clenching lungs or easing his broken heart away. He don't know anymore. He fucked up big time. He let go the person who completes him in his everyday life, painfully. He's scared about HyunJin leaving him alone at the end of the road, but then he was the one who decided to leave instead.

Ironic. But he has no choice.

No, you have a choice, Felix. You always have a choice. And you chose to be defeated by your fear. You chose to ignore it instead of facing it. You chose to run away. You chose to leave him.

Felix gripped his head tight. He know how much he hates self pity and self guilt but he couldn't force his other side of him to stop. He can even hear Bokkie crying deep inside him and wailing, asking where Dada Hyun is. The poor little was craving for attention and sense of comfort from HyunJin but he can't run back to him anymore. HyunJin probably hate him now that he left him alone. If he was HyunJin, he will surely despise himself. What he did was unforgivable.

What in the fuckery? You don't love him? Hah, jokes on you, Felix.

Felix tried to get himself up despite of his legs feeling so absolutely like jelly. He felt lifeless or boneless like a fillet. He just wanna dig his own grave on where he's at now and never bring his life back anymore.

But you can't blame Felix for doing that shit even though that was totally and absolutely the stupidest decision he ever committed in his entire life. Man has been traumatised for a few times already. His mom, his dad, his grandparents, timothy, and his poor lovely dog, they always come in his head at all times whenever he's trying to forget them and open his heart for HyunJin. But then those memories always pull him back to his dark side and shut him there, tied up pathetically. Despite of HyunJin promising that he will never leave Felix, the Aussie know damn well that that words and promises are just meant to be broken. And being broken is the last thing in the list that he want for him to happen again.

But look at what you did Felix. You let that man come in to your life, and now you're crying over him, being broken.

He was walking shakily and hugging himself when the chilling breeze of late midnight are wrapping his shivering skin. This is the time when HyunJin will offer his jacket and cover it on Felixs' shoulders then hug him from behind because HyunJin always reasoned 'it is to give more warmth'. That was stupid but that actually makes so fucking sense.

Gosh, it was just an hour before Felix and HyunJin parted their ways and he's already thinking about the elder. Just look at how big the impact HyunJin left on his life. He was like a damn lightning and struck him in just one zap. And that made Felix cry again as he tug on his hair harshly, murmuring "you're so fucking stupid" until he got back to his house.

Felix shakily twisted the doorknob once he got back to his colossal house. And just like before, his house welcomed him so sadly and lifelessly once again. It came back from what originally it is. No more HyunJin that will turn the lights on everywhere. No more HyunJin that will sit on that long ass sofa while watching piles of movies on his wide screen television. No more HyunJin that will open his refrigerator door from time to time. No more HyunJin that will request to cook his favorite hotdog and bacon. No more HyunJin that will help him water the plants. No more HyunJin that will shower along with him and reason that 'it will be much more convenient if they shower together'.