Best friends sister (Lexie x reader)

No more secrets

Y/N pov

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Meredith says as she comes into her own room. I'm laying under her covers, not sure if i should go back to my own room when Lexie's there. She sits down beside me as she continues. "Why do you continue to do this to yourself?"

"I can't, i just can't" my words are muffled as my face is half buried in her pillow.

"Well, Lex just basically blamed it on me so you better go and fix this." she nudges me so that i fall onto my back to face her. It's dark but the light from the corridor lights her perfectly fine.

"Didn't even think you cared"

"Y/n, please don't make things worse than they already are." she pulls lightly on my arm to get me to get up, but i stay put. "You we're gonna give her than ring, weren't you?"

"Not anymore"

"You better go fixe this so you CAN give it to her, you need to tell her everything"

"Everything?"

"Yes, everything Y/n. Start with one thing and then continue with another until you've told her everything" i know she's right but there is something stoping me. And it's not because i don't want to, it's because of my past. Because of how i've had my heart broken before. Let's just say that i've got major trust issues and abandonment issues. "Just tell her... now, because i'm kicking you out of my bed"

"Seriously?" i ask, sitting straight up in confusion. Never, never has i ever been kicked out of Meredith's bed. Nor she from mine.

"Seriously. Get going" she pulls off the covers and the air shifts around me. "I said get going" her voice is more serious than i've ever heard it be. So i scoot out of bed, passing to give Mer a kiss on her cheek before getting up.

"Goodnight Y/n" Derek says as i pass him in the doorway. The hallway is quiet, the whole house is quiet, as i walk down it to my room i can't help but think about how tonight should have went. And how it actually turned out, my shitty family coming to haunt me.

"Lex?" i ask quietly into the darkness of our bedroom. If she's awake, i'll start by one thing and tell her. Then, on another occasion, i'll tell her something else.

"Yeah?" she answers and sits up in the middle of our bed. I can tell she has tears in her eyes by the breaking of her voice.

"I think i'm ready" i breath out as i sit that at the foot of the bed.

"Ready for what?"

"To try things your way, to... talk... about things" i feel how my words are uncertain. Like i don't know what words to use to compile a sentence. I glance down and feel her hand come up to meet mine on top of the covers. I take a deep breath and my words decide what to say before my head can comprehend what moment i choice. "You know when i slept with Mark?"

"Why are you brining that up?" her hand retreats and i want to turn on the lights to see her face clearer. The clouds have covered both the stars and the moon, creating fog to dim the street lights that would otherwise shine in through the window.

"Because i'm trying to tell you what you want to know, the truth" i take another deep breath. "I don't want there to be any more secrets, i want to tell you everything. Starting with that"

"Do tell"

"I got sick, remember"

"I do, where are you going with this Y/n"

"Just listen. I got sick, not because of keeping us a secret... but... but because i was pregnant" the words almost get stuck in my throat.

"What?"

"I got pregnant, and later got an abortion because i couldn't..., that's the reason i was home sick that week"

"With Marks?" now she knows what parts of those rumours that are true.

"Yeah, with Marks. That's why i forgave him. And the reason i've been avoiding him, because when Kepner brought it up at dinner, he must have figured something out. That there was something i wasn't telling him" there are tears on my cheeks, i didn't notice until Lexie's hand was whipping them away. We'd gotten closer, i've moved higher up on the bed to sit almost next to her.

"Why haven't you told him?" my tense body relaxes a lot more only because her reaction isn't panic or betrayal or... just chocked. Sure, she must be chocked, but she tries to be on my side and try and understand. She really is trying. Now i just feel stupid for not wanting to tell her anything about my past or other things. Because she is Lexie Grey, the one who holds my heart and don't entend to break it.

"Because i'm afraid Lex, if he knew, he'd hate me" she brings an arm around my shoulders to pull me in and i feel so safe. So loved. It's a refreshing feeling, it almost feels new. Something i've never felt before. Now that's just sad.

"You don't know that. You were broken up so maybe he just doesn't care" it's almost as she would believe it herself. But the fight we were having only a few hours ago is like swept away by a simple caressing of her hand over my arms. My head resting on her shoulder.

"No, because even though he's a playboy and stuff, he wants a kid. He got Addison pregnant and she... did the same thing because it wasn't Dereks. He still hates her for it, just learned to tolerate her" a sob gets caught in my throat again. "I don't want to lose my friend"

"There i think the difference is, he loved you more than her and he still does. No matter how both of you try to hide it. He still loves you, and you still love him" i glance up at her and she continues with a small laugh and a smile. "I know what i said, but i'm not worried because even with what i said. I do trust you, in everything"

"I'm sorry about tonight, it's not exactly how i wanted to spend our anniversary"

"It's okay, everything is going to be okay" her mouth is hovering over mine again. "I love you"

"I love you too" and we both cave. Forgetting about the fight, the thing i just told her, the people sleeping just down the hall and the problems they've brought with them. In the shadows of her face there hides a smile, her face so close to mine that i can smell sweet ropy fragrance of the cherry shampoo that stands in the bathroom. Somehow we'd manage to chance positions again to let me straddle her, holding her face in my hands as i meet those dark brown eyes that i love so much. I don't dare to let her go, not daring to really kiss her, i touch her hot, opening lips with utmost piety, tiny sips, nothing salacious. But she, with an impatient wriggle, pressing her mouth to mine so hard that i feel her teeth through them and shares in the peppermint taste of her. Now this is a better way to spend our one year anniversary. But even though we'll both deny it, this euphoric feeling between us is only temporary until the morning.