Stephen Mulhern one shots

Done

Well once again i am done with life so that's great and because i'm depressed and kinda want to end it,Stevie boy is gonna be depressed.Involves suicide.

He is done.Done making everyone believe he is fine when he isn't.

So here he is writing letters to the ones he cares about,telling them not to blame their selves and not cry about him when he is gone.

Plus it is a great time to do this,The boys are visiting their families,BGT is done for a while and none of them really care if he isn't there.

You're probably wondering how this is gonna result to him ending everything,well it's because he is just done.Done feeling,done pretending and really done waking up.

Sitting in his favorite chair he is writing to the boys,they are getting a separate one.The judges will be getting the basic run down.He wasn't close to them and he knows they are friends but he just wasn't really close to them like he was with Ant and Dec.

He didn't know how to start and just been crying but he knows he has to get through it so he just starts the one to the others.

Dear  Simon,Amanda,Alesha,David

It's been a fun time knowing all of you,Simon i want to thank you for letting me work with you and thank you for letting me have my own show i could run it was fun for a while but then it wasn't.

Amanda i want to thank you for letting me be apart of the conversations you and the others had,Thank you for letting me be included when you saw i was alone when the boys were away and i am truly sorry for basically calling you old.You look better than Simon.

Alesha i want to thank you for being a friend,to thank you for not making fun of me when i did magic.We can pretend this is a magic trick like when i disappear and i reappear but this time i won't.You and me were youngest of the team and it felt great to have someone that was close age with me.

David oh David i want to thank you for making me laugh,and even though you acted like you hated me,we both know you didn't. You were there for me when i was in trouble,you cared and don't blame yourself because i blame myself for what will happen,you made me laugh even when i though i couldn't.Do not stop making people laught!

I am truly sorry if i caused any of you pain,make sure the boys are okay for me will you.I am sorry Stephen.

Next was Dec,a hard one but one be as hardest as Ant's.

Dear Ant 

I am so sorry for what you must be going through,i am sorry i didn't come to you i really am.But don't be sad be mad,be so mad that you don't cry because we both know when i am gone Ant will need you.

He will,he will blame himself,you might blame yourself but DON'T because i don't blame you.This is ALL MY FAULT i am the one causing the pain,the sadness.I am so sorry for not telling you because i know i promised you two i know that but i can't help what i feel like and neither can you.I believe you and Ant knew this will happen but didn't know when.

So maybe one day we can meet again but not anytime soon okay ,you have to take care of yourself and take care of Ant.Please for me.Your my brother,my family and i need you to do this for me okay.

I love you both Dec and i am sorry.

Stephen.

He would be lying right now if he hadn't left tear stains on the paper.He closed the paper in folds then put it in the envelope and wrote the familiar address on it like he did to the other one.But now was the hardest one Ant's.

Dear Ant

When you are reading this please be with Dec,you will need him even if you don't think you do but you will so don't shut him out.I hope you know this isn't your fault,you made me happy,your my best friend Ant your my brother and i am sorry for this.

I am so fucking sorry Ant but i wasn't strong enough, i know i promised you that i would come to you but i couldn't burden you anymore,you deserve to be happy.Don't beat yourself up and for the love of god don't push Dec out.Just DON'T for me please.

One of these days i will see you again but not anytime soon please,you need to be strong for me  okay i love you,your my brother,my family and i don't need you to be hurting.

So this is goodbye Anty,i hope you will be happy and not do what i have done because Dec will need you so be strong.Go and live your life and be happy PLEASE.

PLEASE Ant be brave,i am sorry for this.

Goodbye Ant

Love Stevie 

He slowly closed the paper in folds then into envelopes,he wrote the same thing on it and walked them to his mail box.

When he came back he got dressed into nice clothes,that's what people do when they kill themselves right.He thought.

He had to bite down many sobs but this was for real and knows he doesn't have to do this and just live in misery but he has to end this.

He couldn't live in pain every day and just pretend,he needed to do this.Does he feel sorry for his friends,yes because they will be the ones crying.Well maybe not Simon but who knows.

He drank a full glass of his favorite bourbon,grabbed the sleeping pills and went into his bathroom where he laid himself in his tub.

He didn't have to worry about his place being cleaned up since he already put all of his belongings into boxes and donated them.He kept a single box for the boys,cause he knew the boys would want something of him to remember.

The box had pictures of the three,a sweater he'd take one night when he was cold,and small meaning full things he'd had.There was a suit laid out beside the box for when he was buried.He'd planned this all out so no one had to worry.

He opened the pill bottle and slowly took one after another until they were all gone.Before he would forget he pulled out his phone and looked at the photo of all of them at the finale of BGT and he smiled one last time.