Stephen Mulhern one shots

Maybe?

TW: Suicidal thoughts,depression

Stephen sighed as he looked at the bottle of pills on his counter.Why couldn't he get it right? he never gets anything right.Sure even when he feels like he's on top of the world and living a great life that anybody would kill for,but he wasn't happy.

Because something was fucking wrong with him and his stupid brain,he literally has it better than so many people but he was ungrateful.

But he wasn't ungrateful,because he is great full for the life he has.The problem is that he just isn't happy.He tries so fucking hard to be happy but it's hard.But not matter how many times he is on a show or has the random fans say they love him,or the amount of friends he has or even the amount of money he gets,he still isn't happy.

Though don't get it wrong sometimes he is happy but it's really only when he's preforming magic tricks or hanging out with Ant and Dec.But even then there is still a part of him where he isn't totally happy.The voice in his head telling him to just give up was annoying especially when he was alone.

Stephen is unhappy and so unhappy he hates it because it's all the TIME.Even the things that he knows should really bother him but they do just makes everything worse.Like when Ant and Dec do things without him,yes they have a life of there own but they are all he pretty much have.It hurts his chest when he has no one to hang out with.

To Stephen the world is ugly and gray and things are moving very slowly.Everything is moving but he is still except for the fact he feels empty.He knows he won't be happy like everyone else and it's sad.

But the really sad thing is that no one notices when he isn't around at work.Yes he is physically there at BGT but no one bothers to come find him when it's break time or something.

He does really try to be happy and present but he just can't make it work so faking it works,well for a little while.

Because at the end of the day Stephen goes home feeling numb,cold and empty but he's not since his heart is beating and has blood rushing but that doesn't make everything better.

One time he needed to feel something so hurting himself was the only option,he slammed his hand in the door.Of course he had to explain how he broke it but he was g;and he could feel pain still.

But in the end he was tires,so fucking tired.All the time he'd wake up feeling the same empty lonely feeling and go to bed feeling the same way,a endless loop.

He was tired of everything,tired of waking up,talking to people,being around people,eating,sleeping,walking,fucking everything.

He sighed again looking at the bottle of sleeping pills,Maybe?

AU-sorry for being gone and the long periods of time updating been busy and a bit ticked off with life,i'm gonna try to write more.