Crush with Benefits

War

"Estella, are you okay?" Sampailah papi di depan meja yang berisi masalah yang dia perbuat, tapi papi belum menyadari ini sampe gue yang mengambil dan membanting barang-barang itu kembali ke meja.

"DO YOU THINK I'M OKAY WHEN YOU DID THIS ALL?" Begitu gue lempar, barulah papi menyadari ada barang-barang itu di sini.

"APA SIH, LA? INI APA? KAMU DAPET DARI MANA?" Papi membereskan dan mengambil barang-barang yang gue lempar, termasuk bungkus kondom dan kartu kunci apart Aunty Camilli. Gue ambil hp dan gue menunjukkan history GPS hp papi.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HER APART, PI? JUST HAVING A COFFEE? A DEEP TALK? IMPOSSIBLE YOU JUST TALK WITH HER USING CONDOMS AND KEEP HER APART KEY!"

"YOU ARE MISUNDERSTANDING, MISS ESTELLA!"

"WHAT DID I MISS?! YOU FUCK HER! DON'T DENY IT!"

"KEEP YOUR MOUTH! I NEVER TAUGHT YOU TO SWEAR!" Para asisten kita melihat dari sekeliling, tapi gak berani untuk ikut campur.

"YOU TAUGHT ME TO BE A GOOD GIRL, BUT YOU RUINED A 'GOOD WOMAN' YOU SAID! IT'S A WOMAN, OR ACTUALLY WOMEN?" He eventually speechless and cries.

"Estella Beatrice, we can talk with presence of mind." He tries to hold my hand, but I refuse.

"You never disappointed me this much, papi. I don't want to hear any excuses." I leave him to my room and lock the door, although he still tries to follow ke and knocking at my door.

"I won't take any excuses. I just want to tell the reasons. Please, Estella, my princess! I'm deeply apologize for my behavior. I'm sorry!"

I just crying behind the door, I'm sure papi does the same. We are fucked up! If mami sees this, she will be miserable.

"Yes, I did that with your aunty, but I never done this with Ratna. It's happened because your aunty has very similar appearance with your mom. I miss her so much! Every time I did that with her, I imagined your mom. So does Ratna. Her action, behavior, and personality, everything is very similar with your mom. That's why I can't choose one. I need them both to complete my imagination about your mom. I still can't move on from her. She never be replaced, but at least I can make her imitation." SHITTT! YOU'RE SO FUCKED UP, PAPI!

"That's not a reason, it's still excuses. No matter what you did. You still disappoint us."

"Sorry ...."  I leave him on the door. Continues crying hard on the bed.

Gue gak mau keluar kamar sama sekali. Eventho gue laper pun gue gak mau makan. Gue gak mau megang hp sama sekali. Aranda chat dan telpon gue berkali-kali, tapi gak gue jawab. Papi juga sama. Dia malah minta tolong sama Mba Yayah dan Mba Dini untuk mendorong gue keluar kamar, tapi tetep gak gue respon.

Besoknya gue gak mau masuk kuliah. Gue masih sakit hati banget. Boleh kan kita izin sakit? I literally have mentally ill right now. Isn't that the same as severe as physically ill?

Gue ngabarin Aranda kalo hari ini gak mau ke kampus, tapi gue juga chat Tiara buat ngomong sama Mas Hanung kalo gue izin sakit. Gak mungkjn Aranda yang ngomong. Aranda spam gue pake nomor kedua dan pertama, tapi gue gak mau jawab.

Gue liat CCTV kalo papi udah berangkat kerja. Gue mau keluar kamar setelah dia berangkat. Sekarang jam 10, harusnya kelas Soskom udah selesai, jadi gue telpon Aranda pake nomor yang kedua, tapi gak dibales. Beberapa menit kemudian, baru dia telpon gue balik.

"Sorry, tadi gua masih bareng anak kelasan. Ini melipir bentar ke kamar mandi."

"Tumben?"

"Ini udah minggu kelima, tiga minggu lagi UTS. Kita nanti ada projek buat UTS yang bisa dikerjain 2 minggu mulai dari minggu besok. Jadi ini lagi diomongin."