Tequila & Birdcages

My Baby |w.v|

CW: sub drop

Winnie and I have been dating for three years now and it's been amazing. We're practically inseparable and I love every moment I spend with her. She buys me all sorts of gifts and the sex is mind-blowing. However, after one of our more recent scenes, I've been feeling a little off.

We tried some new things like blindfolding and whipping, and I actually really enjoyed it. As usual she was very attentive afterwards, cleaning me up and cuddling with me until I fell asleep. I didn't mention my feelings to her then, because I thought I just needed sleep. Except I woke up the next morning feeling even worse.

I took the day off today, without telling her, because I felt like I just wouldn't have been any good at work. I don't understand why I'm feeling like this and it's beginning to worry me. I remember this thing I heard of a while back and decide to do some research on it. After about ten minutes I find a relatively credible site and start reading.

Sub drop can look and feel different for every person who experiences it. It can manifest as physical pain, extreme depression, irritability, anxiety, and fatigue.

Apparently, it's actually a real thing and most of my symptoms align with it. Of course the pain and fatigue is expected right after but it never lasts this long for me. Also the pain is never this bad. It's not like she went extra hard on me; I just feel really sensitive. Not to mention my anxiety has been off the charts ever since.

I've been doing a good job at hiding it from her because she's at work during the day, obviously. It's been almost a week since then and we haven't had sex yet so it's weird I'm still feeling it. Typically after intense scenes we either won't have sex for a few days or if we do it's really soft.

I'm sort of glad she's been too busy to do it because I really haven't been in the mood. Now that I've seen this, I finally have a reason for my feelings. However, I still don't know how to solve this problem; especially without alerting her to the issue. As I'm thinking of ways to keep it under wraps, I hear the door shut.

"Baby, I'm home" she calls out and I quickly close the tab and slide over to my email. I glance up from my laptop to see her standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. "Hi" I smile softly, getting up and going over to give her a hug. She kisses the top of my head, pulling back to place a gentle kiss on my lips.

"You're home early" I point out, "I wanted to spend some time with you. I missed you" she admits making me pout. "I missed you too" I mumble, "so... I've been thinking" she says as she walks into the kitchen. "We haven't been on a date in a while. I thought I could make reservations at the place you like... what's the name?" she asks, turning to me as she pours herself a cup of juice.

"Carraba's" I answer, feeling mildly irritated that she forgot such a simple thing. Yet, if it's so simple, why do I feel so strongly about it? "Right. How does that sound?" she asks, "fantastic" I chirp and she smiles warmly. Once she heads upstairs, I slump down in the chair. This is so unfair, to me and to her.

How is it possible that I'm this incapable of handling my emotions? I've never experienced this before so why now? After a small dinner it's time for bed so I head up for a shower, Winnie having already showered earlier. I slip into bed and pull the string on my bedside lamp making the room go dark. I feel the bed shift behind me until she's pressed against my back.

Please don't. She begins placing light kisses on my neck and as a reflex my shoulder comes up. I quickly relax it and she continues. "I set the reservation for 7" she whispers, her hands starting to wander. "That's nice" I mumble and she hums in response. As her hand makes it's way between my thighs I huff lightly.

"So you think because you made dinner reservations that means you get sex?" I snap, recoiling as I can't quite believe that came out my mouth. "No? Where did that come from?" she asks, the confusion evident in her voice. "I didn't mean—I'm sorry" I whisper, "baby... is there something we need to talk about?" she asks softly.

"No" I state, my voice cracking slightly and I feel the bed sip before the light comes on. "Look at me" she states, I don't move just hoping she drops it. She physically turns me over and rests on her elbow as she stares down at me. "What's going on?" she asks quietly, not a single trace of anger in her eyes.

"Nothing" I lie, my voice cracking yet again which gives me away. "You know I don't like it when you keep things from me" she points out, "I'm not" I lie again and she raises her eyebrows. "It's dumb" I shrug, "nothing that you feel is dumb, my love" she sighs. "This is" I counter, "well if it's 'dumb' then why can't you tell me?" she argues.

"You'll just worry" I whisper, "so it's not dumb then. I wouldn't worry over nothing" she presumes. "You worry about anything when it comes to me" I remind her, "because I love you. Now tell me" she orders. I look away from her and she gently turns my face back to her.

"I think—I might be experiencing some of the symptoms of... sub drop" I whisper quietly, "speak up, baby" she says. "Sub drop" I say a little louder, my voice wavering. "How long have you known this?" she asks softly, "well I just learned what it was today" I answer. "And how long have you been feeling like this?" she questions, "almost a week" I whisper.

"So right after?" she adds and I nod hesitantly. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asks in a whisper, "I thought it would go away and... I didn't know what it was. I figured I was just being emotional" I shrug. "Even so... you could've told me" she states, "I'm sorry" I mumble, barely audible, as tears fill my eyes.

"Shhh, it's ok" she whispers as she pulls me into her arms. "So what's been going on? What do you need help with?" she asks, "I-I've just been really tired and—I thought that's what was causing the irritability. But also my anxiety's just been really bad" I confess. "Ok... are you in any physical pain?" she questions while rubbing small circles on my back.

"Yes..." I admit quietly, "where, baby?" she asks "my back" I answer. "I'll schedule you a massage appointment tomorrow but until then, let's see what I can do" she mutters, releasing me from her arms and turning me over. "You don't-" "I wasn't asking, love" she interjects and I just nod.

She starts to gently knead my shoulders, working her way down. "You can always come to me, ok? I won't be mad" she promises, "I didn't want you to think it was your fault" I whimper. "These things happen, darling. Sometimes it's out of our control but if you don't let me know, I can't help" she points out.

"I'm sorry" I mumble, "you don't have to keep apologizing, there's nothing to forgive. I understand it was probably scary, you didn't know what you were feeling. Just know that you can come to me with anything. Big or small, scary or 'stupid'. I'll always listen" she assures me. "Ok" I answer softly, "feeling a bit better?" she asks and I nod slowly.

She moves to lay down next to me again, bringing me to lay almost on top of her. "I love you, baby. There's nothing wrong with feeling this way, alright? It's completely normal and happens to plenty of people" she reassures me. I just nuzzle my face in her neck and breathe in deeply.

"I love you too" I whisper, "it's important that you tell me these things, ok? In order to meet your needs, I have to know what they are. I'm not upset that you didn't want to have sex either. You can always, always, say no. I feel much better that you didn't just go through with it. Even if you were snippy, I'm proud of you for saying no" she whispers.

"Thank you" I mumble, "anytime, sweetie. Would you like to watch a movie or just sleep?" she asks. "Sleep, please" I whisper, "ok, darling. I'll be right here if you need me" she promises. I hum in response and snuggle closer to her as she holds me securely. I feel her kiss the top of my head as I fall asleep, feeling much better now that I've told her.