Tequila & Birdcages

You're not the only one |s.m|

I'm on my way to the Cortez to visit Sally, as I do every day. I didn't get the chance to see her yesterday due to some unforeseen events. I just hope she's not too upset, since I know she looks forward to me coming. I've decided I'm staying the night to make it up to her. As the elevator dings, I exit and make my way over to her door.

I knock twice before opening it and looking around for her. I see her on the bed, mindlessly scrolling on her phone. "Hiii" I say happily and she glances at me before looking turning back to her phone. "Awww honey, I'm sorry. I just got caught up yesterday but I'm staying the night so we have more time together today" I tell her.

It doesn't seem to affect her mood at all which makes me sigh. I set down my bags and crawl onto the bed. Laying on her legs with my chin right above her phone. "You can't stay silent forever" I tease, she looks up just to glare at me for a few seconds. "Sallyyy, come on" I whine, "what was so important that you didn't come?" she asks.

"In all honesty, I just wasn't feeling well and didn't want it to rub off on you. I like to be fully present when we're together" I explain, "mm" she bums unimpressed. "Sally, please. I apologized and I'm making it up to you" I point out, "and? It was still shitty that you didn't even text" she quips.

"I understand why you're upset and at the same time, can you understand why I didn't? I spent the time I would've spent here, sleeping" I say, "as if you couldn't sleep here" she scoffs. "You're not being nice, Sal. That's not fair, I couldn't even get out of bed" I sigh, "you seem fine now" she grumbles as she gets up.

"Yes, now I'm fine and you see that I'm here, right? So what's the issue?" I ask, beginning to get agitated. I understand why she's like this but I thought we'd gotten past it, just a little. She sneers as she lights her cigarette, turning to face me and leaning against the wall.

"See? You could never understand" she scoffs and I close my eyes to take a deep breath. I hate when people say that to me and she knows that. It's the most wrong and condescending thing a person could ever say where I'm concerned. "Understand what, Sally. Tell me" I prompt and she rolls her eyes.

"You will never get what it feels like to be trapped. To be abandoned and forgotten as if you're just worthless. Something to entertain, but only momentarily, until they're done with you. To be disregarded and brushed off cause everyone is SO busy. Never will you be able to feel even an ounce of what I do every day" she mutters angrily.

I gradually stand up and start clapping slowly clapping for her. "What the fuck are you doing?" she asks annoyed, a scowl on her face. "Congratulating you. Isn't that what you want? Or would you rather I run and get you a cookie? You must be rewarded for your epic display of bigotry. One of the greatest I've seen in my life time and, quite frankly, I've met a lot of assholes" I chuckle incredulously.

"You think you're the only person with problems, huh? The only person out of over 7 BILLION people that feels unloved? Worthless? Forgotten? You're not as unique as you think you are, Sally. I'll give it to you, your situation is fucked up. If I was stuck here—I might be a little peeved too but fuck, Sally. You can't get mad at me for being alive" I argue.

"Imagine what it's like to roam freely and still not be able to do what you want. To feel trapped inside your own body, your own mind, even when standing in open spaces. How it feels to be abandoned and forgotten by EVERYONE that claimed to love you. Thought you were the only one? Think again" I scoff as I start pacing.

"Oh and you wanna talk about feeling worthless? The only reason people ever even bother with getting close to me is to get something. Money, entertainment, sex, you name it. Only to toss me once I have nothing left to give. Getting ANGRY at me because I can't meet every little fucking need; as if I'm not a HUMAN who also has needs" I exclaim.

"So please, Sally. Continue to tell me how much I couldn't possibly understand what you go through. How inconsiderate I am, how much of an asshole I am for needing a day to myself. Despite that time away being used to convince myself to continue living so that I CAN come see you" I scream, my hands beginning to shake.

"And while you're at it, explain to me what it is you want from me exactly. Obviously I've not given you enough so what more do you want? Would you rather I kill myself, here? So that you can be absolutely certain I can never leave you? Because I'm at a loss, Sally" I ramble, tears spilling down my face. After a few minutes of silence I wipe my tears and turn to see her staring at me.

Tears a running down her face and the cigarette in her hand has long since diminished. "I'm sorry..." I mumble, feeling bad for having yelled at her. "No y-you're um—you're right" she sobs and I quickly go over to wrap her in my arms. I guide her over to the bed and sit down next to her as she calms down.

"I'm so sorry. I've been so selfish I just—I didn't even think that maybe you... I'm sorry. You've given me more than enough and I've just been horrible to you. You always come back, even after we fight, and I've taken you for granted. I always want you here because you're the only person that makes me feel love and all I've done is treat you like shit" she cries.

I pull her hands away from her arms where she scratches at her scars. Taking her hands in my own as I look into her eyes. "Y/n please... don't—don't kill yourself; here or otherwise. I love you so much, more than I can ever explain in words. I love you beyond what can 'do' for me, I love the person that you are" she whispers as tears continue to fall.

"I love your smile and the way you laugh a-and how you look at me. Y/n, I think—maybe you should leave... i-it's best" she whispers as she slowly pulls her hands away and turns her head. "Well it's not 'best' and I am not going anywhere" I mumble, taking her chin in my hand so she faces me again. "All I do is hurt you, y/n. Which hurts me too" she sighs, "then we'll work on it" I state.

"I'm not gonna leave you here, alone. I love you, Sally. I can't just... never see you again. My life wouldn't be complete without you in it" I say, "really?" she whispers. "Of course! I love coming to see you. It's the best part of my day" I chirp, "I love you, y/n" she whispers with a shy smile on her face. "I love you more. Now let's cuddle, I'm tired" I chuckle and she agrees.