Tequila & Birdcages

Failure or Blessing? |c.g|

Today we have a very important potions test, similar to a midterm at regular schools. It's my last class of the day, so I've already taken all my other exams. I'm always a bit excited for this class because Cordelia is the teacher. I don't get to see her all day except for lunch and breakfast but let's be honest, that's no where near enough time.

I set my things aside, our materials already on the desks for us to begin. "Alright, you can start whenever you feel ready. Remember, take your time—breathe, relax, everything will be just fine. If you have any questions just raise your hand and I'll come over to assist you" she announces and I just stare at her, watching her plump lips move; pressing together or forming a smile—gosh she's beautiful.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts, staring at the ingredients in front of me instead. There's a paper beside it telling us what it's supposed to be but unlike during class, it doesn't tell us how to make it. This is one we make all the time, however. Which is exactly why I didn't study on it, focusing instead on the more complex potions.

I thought a little too hard about this and now I can't remember how this goes. I try to trust my gut, mixing in the herbs, but I keep second guessing myself. I manage to mix them all up and there's only one ingredient left. I know this potion is very particular and can go very wrong if not done properly. You have to mix the ingredients in a certain order, making sure certain things are dissolved before adding others.

Which coincidentally is the very structure I couldn't remember; so I hold the last portion up, hoping for the best. I look around to see most of the class already done, the others are wrapping up or cleaning their stations. How long have I been sat here? Gosh I must look stupid. I drop the last bit in and nothing happens which makes me sigh in relief.

I watch and wait for it to glow how it's always done but that doesn't happen. Smoke begins to seep out the mouth of the beaker and my eyes widen. "Ok, time's almost-" before she can even finish, the sound of glass shattering sounds through the room. I flinch as it explodes in front of me, covering my face—just in time actually as the glass pierces my arm instead of my cheek.

"Goodness gracious, sweetheart, are you ok?" I hear as tears prick my eyes, more so from the embarrassment than the physical pain. "I'm fine" I mutter, keeping my head down but slightly opening my eyes to grab my things, she begins to ask again and I can feel her reaching for me but I'm quicker. I scurry out the room with half-hooded eyes due to the increasing pain as my adrenaline wears off.

"Please, wait!" I continue to walk but eventually she catches up and grabs my arm which makes me wince. "I'm sorry. Good lord... let me help you clean up" she insists but I just shake my head, knowing my voice will crack if I speak. "You have to, you're seriously hurt, sweetie" she coos, "it's my own fault. I can take care of myself" I argue and she smacks her teeth.

"It's not your fault and I know you're capable, I'm just trying to-" "I failed, Cordelia. This is what happens when someone fails—so please, just go back to teaching" I state firmly as I keep my gaze averted. It's silent for a few seconds so I take that as my cue to leave, heading up to my room to clean myself up.

Once that's all done, I get in my bed and finally let my muscles relax. The tears flow freely from my eyes as it replays over and over like a never ending cycle. I failed, again. This isn't the first time I've failed at something and it won't be the last. It has been my greatest fear, for a while now, that I would somehow disappoint Cordelia like everyone else in my life.

She's such a positive person, always encouraging others and only expecting them to try their best; succession and failure is nothing to her. Except that it is; you either win or lose that's it. No matter what she tells us, that's how the world works and she can't change it as much as she may want to.