Tequila & Birdcages

Phantom pains |b.d.h|

"Tell me, my dear: can a heart still break once it's stopped beating?"

As I sit in the attic, having my daily ball game with Beau, a familiar thought crosses my mind. Strands of blonde strewn across a silk pillow case, face buried in her arms. Plump lips parted ever so slightly, almost unnoticeable snores escaping them. With her legs tangled in the sheets from turning in the night.

Billie Dean Howard; beauty immeasurable by any standards. It's been a little over a year since she moved in, shortly after I died actually. I don't remember much from then but I do recall how she apologized to me. Assuring me that I would be the last person to ever be confined to this house. I can still hear her voice when she offered for us to become friends.

She didn't want me to be alone—she felt responsible. At first it was nice, she helped me adjust and feel normal. Even the other inhabitants seemed to be in a better mood with her presence. Then my feelings for her began to grow—rather rapidly. I found myself waiting eagerly at the stairs for her to return. The others would tell me my hopes were useless.

She's alive, I'm dead. Simple as that. I won't ever be able to compare to the living, no matter how pretty I am. I'd never dealt with such rejection before, it gutted me. I think it was also the uncertainty, I'd never even gotten the chance to ask her. The only way I saw to deal with this was to avoid her, which was quite easy despite us living in the same house.

I watched her for the first few days, looking around for me. I'd essentially cloaked myself to her eyes, making me invisible, but that doesn't mean she couldn't feel me. One day she looked right at me, a sad smile on her face. It made my chest tighten, I'd never felt anything like it before. She never bothered to ask me why and I'd never had the balls to offer that information.

I hear a car pull in the driveway as I toss the ball back to him and he runs over to the window. By the way he ducks back down and sulks over to me, I can tell who it is. "You know, buddy, you can like her... you don't have to be sad for me" I tell him and he just groans which makes me giggle. I ruffle his hair and he nods, knowing my routine by now.

I stand at the top of the stairs and watch as she stumbles through the door. Before I can even smell the alcohol, I know she's drunk. This scares me because Billie never gets drunk, she always keeps her composure. I lean a bit closer, my hands holding onto the railing. I hear another voice before I see a brunette come into a view.

Billie's hold tightens on the door and so does mine on the bars. Whilst she braces to keep herself upright, my grip is to keep myself together. I vaguely hear the girl ask to come in, eyeing the blonde with hungry eyes, and Billie mumbles in response. "What did you say?" the brunette giggles to which I almost gag.

"Mm I don't think the ghosts would be too happy with that" she chuckles and the brunette narrows her eyes. I presume she's trying to determine if Billie is serious or not. I take it she doesn't know what the medium does, nor the history of this house for that matter. Dumb bitch. I almost beg for her to let the girl in, just so she can see.

I hear her mumble something to Billie, giving her a kiss on the cheek and taking her leave. The blonde closes the door and leans on it with a sigh. I don't move just yet, wanting to watch her a little longer. "You know I can feel you staring, right?" she mutters with her eyes closed. They flutter open and land directly on me causing me to freeze.

I know she can't really see me but just the fact that she knows I'm here gives me shivers. She takes off her heels, holding them with two fingers as she carefully comes toward the stairs. "Why won't you talk to me?" she asks, holding onto the little swirl that the railing forms at the base of the stairs.

It's not even that I don't want to respond, it's that I can't. I always imagined what I'd say if she asked but I thought she just didn't care. I hear her sigh before starting up the stairs while I watch her cautiously. I see her foot miss a step and she tries to correct herself but has already lost her balance. Before she can tumble, I catch her and her breath hitches.

I hold onto her for a few seconds longer than I need to before making sure she's steady and letting go. "I miss you" she whispers as she looks in my eyes, how she knows where they are is beyond me. "You were my best friend, you know. The only person to understand me" she continues in a small voice.

"Why won't you talk to me?" she repeats, "I can't figure out what I did" she adds. "It's not your fault" I mumble and her eyes widen slightly. This is the first time I've actually acknowledged her—out loud anyway—since it happened. "Help me understand... please" she begs and I just nudge her back gently to help her up the stairs.

We reach her room and I linger in the door as she drops her heels and falls into bed. "Are you going to leave again?" she asks hesitantly and it breaks my heart. "I'm in love with you... that's why I had to leave" I whisper and she quickly rises to a sitting position. "You deserve someone that can go on dates with you... buy you things... take pictures" I sigh.

"But... what if I told you all I wanted was you? All I want is you. Those things... those are for other people—I don't care about that. We can go on dates inside o-or in the backyard... I don't need anything material when you give me so much more than that" she whispers while approaching me and I don't speak.

"Let me see you..." she pleads, her whiskey-scented breath coating my face. I allow myself to appear and she smiles, her hands immediately cupping my cheeks. "Gosh... I almost forgot how you beautiful you are" she mumbles with tears in her eyes. "I wanted to see you first, so I could look into your eyes while I say this" she starts, "I love you" she emphasizes, enunciating each word.

"And I know the others say differently and maybe that's why you feel this in the first place. But I really do love you—I mean that. So... as long as you're willing try... I'd like you to be my girlfriend" she proposes and I can hear the nerves in her voice. The tension in the air is almost tangible, thick enough to be sliced. "I want to" I answer and her smile widens as she caresses my cheek.

"Can I kiss you?" she asks, "I don't know... can you?" I tease and she chuckles. Soon her lips are pressed against my own in a passion-filled embrace. My hands grip her waist and she moans softly. We pull away and stare into each other's eyes, silently affirming our previous exchange. Her hand trails down my arm and takes mine, pulling me onto the bed.

She strips out of her clothes and pulls me to lie down. Her head finds a place on my chest and she hugs me tightly. I feel her body grow heavier as she relaxes on top of me. "You are not to move an inch, you hear me?" she mumbles tiredly, "yes ma'am" I answer funnily. "I'm serious. If you're gone when I get up you will learn the actual definition of haunting" she leans up to promise.

"Aren't I the ghost here?" I remind her, "what you do is child's play, darling" she smirks. "Wow, so you're saying I'm a bad ghost?" I question dramatically, "no you're a very good ghost and an even better girl. So you'll be a good girl and do as I say, right?" she whispers before placing a kiss on my lips. "Mhm... I will" I mumble dreamily, "good" she replies.

She reassumes her position and I stroke her hair, gently running my fingers through the loose curls. "Good night, sweetheart" she mumbles, "good night, Billie" I whisper. "Mm I love you" is the last thing she manages to breathe out before sleep takes over her. "I love you too" I whisper as I kiss her head, smiling widely as I watch her chest rise and fall.

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I know it's technically the 14th but I'm still awake so we're calling this my Friday the 13th tribute, ok? Perfect. 😌