Tequila & Birdcages

Last day |a.m.r|

Today is my last day at Butchery on Main. It was definitely a hard decision, one I didn't want to make, but alas here we are. These past few years have been amazing, I love—I've loved working here. Everyone is so nice and the regulars all know me by name at this point. Some of them even request me or only come in when I'm here which I think is sweet.

However, there's no one as sweet as the owner; Ally. She's the one that's made this job so enjoyable for me. Seeing her face everyday instantly lifts my mood and makes me forget everything of the outside world. Which made this decision even harder for me because the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint her. When I finally did tell her about me leaving, she asked tons of questions and was very sad to see me go.

So as I clean my station for one of the last times, of course I think of her. Her kind eyes and smile, her clothes that fit just right, the sound of her heels on the floor. She actually left early today which is very unusual. I can't help but to think it's because of me. See, Ally and I have grown quite close over my time working here.

I was promoted to manager rather quickly and she sort of took me under her wing. Of course there was the occasional side eye towards me but I couldn't care less. We went out to dinners together and I even met her son due to the few times I went to her house. Overall we had a pretty good relationship so when she left today, I was a little heartbroken.

She waved to me with what seemed like an absentminded smile. I watched her go, feeling a familiar sense of sadness. Her eyes weren't as bright as they normally are. Again why I think it had something to do with this being my last shift. Yet, if that's what's making her sad, wouldn't she rather stay with me instead of leaving?

It's not like she doesn't have my number either. I reassured her, when I first told her about this, that she can call me anytime; that I'll always be there for her. Soon after she left, I took my break. It wasn't for another half hour but we were slow and I could always come back 30 mins early to compensate for it. I just needed to sit down for a while to think.

It hasn't been long that we've known each other but the time spent has been meaningful. It may seem dramatic but I somehow feel like I'm losing her forever, without ever really entering her world. Sure, I knew of the basic things about her and her ex-wife as well as having met Ozzy but I never felt submerged in her life.

The best way to explain it—though a bit exaggerated—is that I wish to drown in Ally's sea of life. I want to know all there is, so much so that I'm swimming in all the details. So, yes, I know about her but did I ever really know her? No matter how hard I tried, it always felt like she would slip through my fingers. Trying my best to capture every fleeting minute to no avail.

Each glance or lowering of a wall, I would take a snapshot in my mind, holding on to that like my most prized possession. It dawns on me now that, maybe I don't really see what's in her mind. That could go two ways, though. It's either that she may not feel all these things I think she does or maybe it's the total opposite and I'm dead on.

Each time I think I'm close to knowing, she keeps on growing further and further away. It's like those movies where the character waves slowly and the camera pans away from them. It gives you a sense of longing, a slight sadness that you probably won't see that person again. That's what that goodbye felt like earlier today. As if she was wishing me well from afar, knowing we'll never meet again. 

I hope she doesn't think that's what I desire because that's not it at all and I don't think I gave that impression. In fact, that reminds me of a very special day we shared together. It was early in the morning, my first time opening. The girl that was supposed to help me hadn't showed up and because I didn't yet have a key, I was just sat outside waiting.