Tequila & Birdcages

Trust me |m.c|

I've worked for Disano Law for a few years now and it's been amazing. I've gotten to know a lot more with all the hands on work and shadowing. My first year here, I studied under Marcia Clark and it was... one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I learned countless lessons and by the end of the year, I was deemed ready to take on my own cases.

I'll forever thank her for all the valuable things she's given me and the time she dedicated to really helping me in spite of her insane workload. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed our time together until I was robbed of it. With cases of my own to deal with and her already being so busy, we rarely ever saw each other; let alone got a minute for just the two of us.

There are the occasions where we both stay late at the office, like today, but even then we're knee deep in paperwork and can barely talk. However, I've decided that tonight will be different. I've ordered dinner for the two of us as a treat and I've just gotten the text that it's here. I quickly grab it and come back into the open room, seeing her in her office typing away.

I knock softly on the door and she gestures with her hand for me to come in, her eyes never leaving the screen. "You can leave it open" she tells me before I can say anything. This has happened many times before when we stay late. My desk is right outside her door, by request, and sometimes—when we're alone—I just like for her door to be open.

Of course I don't want to bother her by any means but it just helps me feel closer to her somehow? Hearing her nails click gently on the keys, each of her sighs—whether in frustration or relief, knowing when she's gotten up by the sound of the chair's wheels sliding on the floor leading way to her heels clacking closer.

It helps me work better when I can remind myself that she's so close by. "I bought dinner" I say, getting to the point because that's the best—really the only way to communicate with the brunette. She quickly focuses on me and then the bag in my hand, a small smile gracing her exquisite features.

"I've got... 30 minutes tops" she states and moves things on her desk so I can set the bag down. I open it up and hand a container to her, sitting down and taking out mine. As she opens hers, I extend a pair of silverware to her and she takes it, our fingers brushing momentarily, sending a shiver up my spine.

It didn't take me long to recognize my feelings for Marcia but admitting them to myself was a different story. At first I didn't even think she liked me because she was so serious when we first met. She's a woman that doesn't take shit from people, at least not without argument. So she can be a bit intimidating at first but she softened so much over time, that it was impossible for me not to fall for her.

"Drink?" I glance up to see her with a water bottle in her hand and I take it, thanking her quietly. Tonight isn't only special because I bought dinner, I also plan to tell her about my feelings towards her. I've been debating it for a while, weighing the pros and cons. We have a beautiful friendship, something I can't bear losing, but that relationship was built on honesty and trust.

Who am I to keep something so... meaningful from her and still call her my friend? "Marcia" I say as I look at her and she raises her eyes from her plate, tilting her head curiously. I know she could tell by my tone that something was up, not to mention I never call her by her name when we're alone like this. It's always 'big shot' or 'Miss Clark' and every time I say it in a funny voice that makes her smile.

This is different and she knows it too. "Yes?" she prompts when I haven't spoken for a while, I can hear the hesitancy in her tone so I quickly pull it together. "I... have feelings for you—romantic feelings" I blurt out and she stares at me blankly, I assume she wants some sort of explanation so I continue.

"I can't exactly say when they started. All I know is that my feelings for you are... real, they're the truest thing in me. I won't apologize for that—for loving you—I can only hope that you feel the same or if not, that we can continue being friends because I really do enjoy what we have" I say, taking a deep breath and giving her time to process all the information.

"I... listen, I really care about you but I can't. I can't—do this..." she mumbles and I wait for her to continue as she seems to scramble for words. "This job, my kids... my life just isn't—it isn't made for... love. I don't have the time. It would be a waste for both of us to explore something and no matter which way it goes... it all be for nothing" she sighs.

I can't deny it, she has a point, yet at the same time these are merely excuses and we both know that. "We work the same job, maybe not the same amount but I understand" I say and she nods, "and the kids have been to the office, I sat with them remember?" I add. "Yeah... they talked about you for days" she whispers with a smile on her face.

"Then what is it really? Why won't you let me in?" I ask softly and she sits back in her chair as she sighs, not meeting my eyes. "I can't give you—I just don't have it... anything" she mumbles, "what do you mean? If you're saying you don't feel that way about me it's ok, I promise. I just want to make sure it's not something else holding you back" I assure her.

"It's not that. I feel... an immeasurable amount of things for you. The problem is that I can't show you that—I don't have the time. I don't want you to fall for me only to realize I have nothing to give you" she whispers painfully, "you have plenty to give, I mean you've given me so much already" I counter.

"As my friend, yes. We both know that things would change if we decided—it's just not a smart choice" her voices changes to one more professional and I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt me just a little, even though I know she can't help it. "I can respect that..." I sigh, "I'm sorry" she whispers. "You don't have to be sorry" I assure her and she shakes her head as her eyes close.

"You don't have to be sorry because... I'll never stop loving you and... there's something wonderful about that, even if it hurts. Even just having a piece of you is like experiencing a priceless work of art for the first time. I'm... speechless quite often; by a simple movement, or a laugh, the way the light hits your hair or your cheekbones. So you don't have to apologize to me, because I've already gotten a pleasure most people will never have" I shrug, coming back from my daydream to let my gaze fall on her.

She has tears in her eyes as she stares at me and I'm startled for a moment until she smiles. "You've always been persistent, you know that? I knew from the day you walked in that you would be a great lawyer. You're resilient—you don't give up easily and my god... as much as it irks me sometimes... you're very persuasive" she smirks as she says this, wiping her eyes with a tissue from the box she keeps on her desk.

"One date. Next Saturday at Romano's" she states, gently biting her lip as she tries to conceal her smile. "Hopefully my skills of persuasion are good enough to get me a second date" I whisper playfully as I stand up, "yeah yeah. Back to work" she points her finger at me sternly with a grin on her face. "Yes ma'am, Miss Clark. I'm so excited to get started on my stack of paperwork" I utter funnily to which she rolls her eyes.

I smile to myself as I get back to my desk, glancing over to see she has a big smile on her face too as she starts typing away again. My computer dings softly and I look to see a little message from her: 'stop staring and get back to work missy' I giggle and turn to her again. She winks and then goes back to her work, as do I.

Just so you know, my persuasion skills are apparently off the charts. Not only did I get a second date but a third, and a fourth... needless to say; I helped her see just how much she had to give. Anything she had was enough for me and once she realized that, she relaxed a lot more. I can now say that THE Marcia Clark is my girlfriend and honestly... I can't think of anything better than that.