Dirty Desire 🔞

110. More Of Him

Everybody was already here.. I was getting ready.. The party is later in the afternoon... i have to say tae planned all of it... naturally, stuff like this is my thing.. Tae will just ask me to do it..

The way i did the entire house in the past three months, after he asked me to decorate it.. I wanted to make it natural, not so concrete and metastatic.. I wanted it to look like as natural and comfy as possible...

So i did so much research and also did a lot of shopping to make the house to look good.. And we also had to decorate the house before the baby comes, so that everything looks alright.. Also he would not notice anything before he is a little old...

But still i had to do that, bcz then later i wouldn't get any chance to complete any of these.. I have already bought somethings for our nursery in blue themes and ordered some clothes for the baby..

Tae was brushing his hair hurriedly.. Fuck he looks so good.. I went to him and back hugged him.. He smiled at me..

Tae- ya.. Baby?

Yn- love me tae..

I made a pout..

Tae smiled- i love you all the time, always,..

Yn- no.. lately you don't.. I feel left out..

Tae turned to me with a smile- why??

Yn spoke with a pout- bcz you don't kiss me as much anymore, or make love to me as much like before.. I guess bcz i got fat.. You don't think i am beautiful anymore.

Tae chuckled- you are not fat.. You are pregnant.. And being pregnant, you look so good.. And love-making?? I love to make love to you baby.. But you know, you should be careful, specially in the last stage of pregnancy.. We can never be too careful..

Yn spoke with pout- no.. you don't touch me anymore.. And i don't like it.. I want you.. Don't forget that you are my hubby, nd you should love me before the baby..

Tae chuckled- i do.. I do love you more than anything in this world.. But baby-

Yn- no.. you don't.. You don't love me.. You don't spend enough time with me, or just work, or talk with the baby, and this week you were just busy in preparation of the party.. And you don't love me.. I don't feel loved...

Tae looked at my eyes deep within, felt like he was seeing my soul.. My heart skipped a bit..

He pulled me in for a kiss.. The same way he does it.. So good, so special, so loving.. I don't want to go out.. I don't want to go to the party, i want to spend my entire day and night with him.. Loving him.. He tastes so good... his fingers cupping my face, feels so warm and firm.. I love it..

I kiss him back, and his tongue inside my mouth, and mine inside him.. It feels like a play, a fight, who will win the fight.. He is so firm yet gentle.. From the day i was pregnant, he always took special care for me, loved me like nothing else matters, and took care of me..

But i want more.. More of him, more of his love, more of his touch..

Tae went to my neck, and kissed me gently.. A tear dropped out of my eyes.. He parted and looked at me..

Tae- what is it?? Are you hurting?? Do you feel any pain??

Yn- no.. it is just.. I feel that you would not love me when the baby comes..

Tae- what??

Yn- i feel that everyone will love the baby, not me.. You will too.. I know i wanted this baby and my own family for so long.. But now a days the more i love you, the more i feel you are going away from me.. I know you are here with me, loving me, kissing me, but i feel that we are not connected.. I don't feel the connection, the bond we shared for oer the years.. I only see that you are my husband, and i am having a baby, and you take care of me, bcz it is what every man does..

Tae- that is not true you know that..

Yn- i do... but i don't feel connected anymore.. I don't know what is happening to me.. But every night, when you sleep, i have to wake up to go to pee, bcz now a days my bladder can't hold it longer.. And i feel pathetic, i feel old, i feel useless, i feel ugly, i feel i am not worthy of your love.. I stay awake at night, while you sleep.. looking at your face, all i could think was how you still look the same, as handsome as you were before, same as you were before, but i am not.. I don't like myself.. I don't like anything..

Tae- hushhh.. Don't cry.. Sit down..

He made me sit in the bed.. And sat beside me...

Tae- i know you may get angry hearing me, but baby you are hormonal.. And i know being hormonal is good.. It is good bcz your brain is working hard to protect the baby.. It is thinking all worst case scenarios so that you can protect the baby in any possible danger.. And you not feeling beautiful.. That is fine too.. Bcz you don't look like the way you used to.. And evern after giving birth, you would need time to recover and even after then, your body would never look the way it looked before..

Tears continued dropping down my cheeks...

Tae- but you need to know this.. You are going through a lot.. A lot of things are happening to your body.. And you are doing this for us, for me, and it is a big deal.. A very big deal.. And i look the same, ya,, bcz i am not doing anything.. I am not sacrificing my health, my body for my kid, you are.. And remember this, you matter most to me.. No matter what you look like..

Yn spoke while sobbing- that means you don't like my body, the way it looks now??

Tae smiled- no.. i love it.. I told you, i want to spend entire lifetime with you.. I want to see you when you would get old, and a cranky granny, and i would be old too... you hairs will be white, and mine too.. Our kids will grow up and have their own kids, i want to see those days with you.. And i am excited for that.. I know that you wouldn't look like the way you look now then, but that is life, that is love.. You taught me..

He wiped me tears off..

Tae- you tought me, how to stay with someone even when the person is a really bad person, how to not give up on people, just bcz they are going through something.. And how to love someone more and more everyday.. You taught me all these things.. And now it is my time.. I am excited.. I love your big tummy, and cute chummy cheeks.. I love your swollen ankles.. And i love giving you messages and brushing your hair.. I really do.. This is my way of taking care of you.. That cute small yn in still you.. You may look different, but i can see that cute 18 year old girlfriend of mine in you.. Bcz you look the same.. You pout your lips the same way.. You hug me the same, you cry the same way.. The same way you want my attention, and the same way you want to spend all nights and days with me...

Yn- but you are not the same..

Tae rised his eyebrows- what??

Yn- you are a lot nicer now.. You take care of me gently.. You are just so much more calm, and collected, and you don't loose your temper.. You don't depend of my cooking, and you don't many any funny excuses to stay with me longer..

Tae- but that is the growth part.. Isn't it?? I know you are used to me being a jerk and showing natrums, and asking you to cook for me everyday, and clean my clothes, and make my bed warm.. I know that i loved you, even when i needed those, but now i am getting older.. I am going to be a dad.. And that bad aspects of me still present, then what would the boy learn from me?? Also you know i have more pressure now.. And all the things that are happening.. Also i will do better to listen to you.. Okay??

I nodded in response.. He wiped my tears off..

Tae- now be happy, and smile for me.. Please.. You know it hurts me so much when you cry.. I hate it.. And i would scold the baby when he comes for making you cry so much..

Yn chuckled- you should.. He is bothering me so much..

Author's note

hey guys.. this is a chapter about yn's feelings in this stage of preganancy.. i tried to keep it as much real as possible..

but from the next chapter expect something mind blowing.. it totally new twist and turn of events.. i think that you guys would enjoy it immensely..

so stay tuned.. and write down what you want to see next...