Look at me | SAM x DEENA | FEAR STREET 1994 |

Chapter 37

Deena hardly got any sleep. She was tossing and turning every few minutes in an attempt to shake off the memory of Sam and Jackson kissing. She tried to shake the memory out of her head, but it kept replaying over and over again. She was angry, she was seething, but she was mostly hurt. Was Sam doing this deliberately to get her back? As some form of emotional warfare? Deena thought all of these things as she laid on her back staring at the ceiling. She heard Kate snore, so she moved her body so it was facing Kate. She reminded herself of the promise she made to Kate and Simon, but also to herself to ensure her own wellbeing. She just stared from Kate to Sam's bed, where there was no movement. The moonlight leaking through the window shone on Sam's hair, and Deena wanted nothing more in that moment to be holding Sam as they fell asleep together. A glint of blue caught her eye - the flowers. She stared at them, and it felt as if the flowers were staring back. Deena was enraged. She tried to calm herself down, and eventually ended up sleeping, but only for a few hours.

When the counsellors came and woke their cabin up, everyone was packed except Deena. She had always been a messy and last-minute person. She knew that she would be able to pack everything she had on time, and she also enjoyed watching Kate freak out because of her laziness. Kate got sick of Deena's slow pace, so she ended up packing her bags for her while Deena just laid on the bed waiting for the counsellors.

After everything was packed, Kate and Deena hauled their bags off to the bus, practically running so they could get the seat at the back. They succeeded, and just like when they arrived, Deena had the window seat, and Simon was smushed between Kate and her. While they were chatting loudly over the sound of engine and buzz of excitement of people ready to go home, Deena felt tension. She looked around and saw that Sam and Jackson were getting on their bus, and their teacher forced them to fill up the seats from the back - meaning Sam had to sit in the seat in front of Deena.

When Sam sat down there was an obvious awkward tension lingering in the air, and both Deena and Sam were visibly uncomfortable. Deena turned to Kate.

"Can we swap seats?" Deena asked her loudly so that Sam would hear. Kate giggled and got out of her seat as they swapped, Deena wearing an evil grin on her face.

Simon then began ranting on about the stories of his cabinmates during the camp and their disgusting habits. Deena was so invested she completely forgot that Sam was there, and she spent the rest of the bus ride laughing and joking with her friends.

The morning of leaving camp was the worst for Sam. When she woke up she realised that her kissing and getting back with Jackson was not just at terrible dream, or nightmare. It was real, and she would have to put up with him and his pressure again. She knew there was something off about the whole situation - Jackson never asked Sam about what she wanted or what she liked, he only cared about himself and his needs. She sighed when she saw Jackson waiting for her outside the cabin, so she pawned her heavy bag off onto him and reluctantly walked onto the bus with him. He was talking, but Sam wasn't listening. It sounded like a blur, because Sam was not emotionally invested in this man at all, no matter how hard she convinced herself she was.

When she got onto the bus, she was met with apprehension as she saw Deena was sitting in the furthest seat towards the left, and their teacher forced them to fill the bus seats from the back to the front. She ushered Sam in to the back, and Sam felt Jackson's warmth behind her as she walked. She sat down near the window and Jackson plonked down next to her. Every little thing he did seemed to irritate her. His loud breathing, his loud chewing, the way he ran his fingers through his hair. Sam was sure she was just feeling moody.

When she sat down in front of Deena, she could practically smell the sense of awkwardness. But she couldn't because Deena's warm scent filled her nose. She had this enigmatic smell that was warm, musky but also clean. It made her feel safe, like she was soaking in a patch of sunlight. It was intoxicating, and it was one of the many things about Deena that Sam found addicting. Then she heard Deena loudly ask to switch seats, causing a stabbing pain in her heart. When she moved, the smell left, but a little of it lingered in Sam's nose. She breathed as softly as she could so she could keep smelling her scent. It was all she had left of Deena. Sam told herself she didn't want anything to do with Deena, and Deena didn't want anything to do with Sam. It was just a brief moment of weakness, she told herself. She was vulnerable because she just broke up with Jackson. These reasons didn't feel right, but it's what she told herself to push the thought or desire of Deena out of her mind.

The bus ride for Sam was excruciatingly long. Jackson kept putting his hands on her thighs, pressuring her to make out with him. At one point she just gave in, and they made out for a few minutes. Sam didn't enjoy it, and it felt violating. She wiped his saliva off her face and tried her hardest not to cry from how uncomfortable she felt. She felt disgusted with herself and with Jackson. His lips were not the same as Deena's. Deena's were soft and caring, but needy. Jackson was just desperate in a way that was not to satisfy Sam, but to satisfy himself.

When the bus arrived, the sun was setting over Shadyside High. Sam got a lift with one of her friends back to her house, and she just wrapped herself in her blankets the second she got home and started sobbing until she fell asleep in a pool of her own tears.

Deena, Kate and Simon walked each other home. Deena was the last one, and she both loved and hated this. She got to talk to them for longer, but when she was left by herself she had no one else but her own thoughts. The second Kate and Simon were gone, Sam returned. It was overwhelming and Deena didn't even realise her eyes were welling up with tears as she walked home. She was hurt, she knew Sam hated Jackson. Deena knew that Sam was forced to be in a relationship with him, and Deena knew that Sam knew what he was saying was bullshit. He probably asked her friends or something - but he didn't care about her at all. This was only shown as Deena glanced over once during the bus ride to see them making out. To Deena, Sam didn't seem to be enjoying it. Jackson was making the movies, and it was more like Jackson was kissing her than they were kissing each other. Deena thought this was just her envy showing, so she pushed the thought of it out of her mind. She got home and instead of going to her room, she sat down with Josh on the couch and they watched TV together. They ordered pizza and they ate and laughed until they both fell asleep on the couch, pizzas in one hand and TV remote in the other.