Look at me | SAM x DEENA | FEAR STREET 1994 |

Chapter 48

Deena again left Sam alone, in tears. Sam was hurt, and she was exhausted. But most of all, she was angry that Deena was right. Sam didn't even like Peter, in fact, he disgusted her more than Jackson did. She only flirted back with him because she was lonely and needed an excuse to explain the hickeys on her neck. Saying they came from Peter would be the perfect cover story. The entire time that Peter was flirting with Sam she felt uncomfortable, and when he started touching her she wanted nothing more than for Deena to appear out of nowhere, punch him in the face, and take her home.

Sam just stood there as the darkness swallowed her. The box was sitting at her feet, and she picked it up, tears falling silently, and she began walking home. She was supposed to be getting a ride from one of her friends, but she didn't have the energy to deal with anyone else right now. She was a mess, her voice was croaky and her eyes were bloodshot. Her entire face was red, and she wanted to do nothing but cry. All she could feel was a grief, or a mourning for what she had lost between her and Deena. Like a dying animal, shaking. She wanted to hold what they had close to her chest, and feel it as it died, but there was nothing. It was abrupt, and heart-breaking, but also offered a moment of reflection for Sam. She knew she couldn't give up on Deena, but everything she had said was right. Sam was scared of admitting her sexuality to herself, she was scared of others, and she was using Deena.

She didn't realise how far she had walked as she was so caught up in her own thoughts. She was already at her house, when she opened the door to an empty living room. Her mother's car was missing from the garage, which told Sam all she needed to know. She didn't care - she needed to be by herself for now.

She climbed the stairs slowly, and entered her room. She got changed out of her uniform and got ready for bed. Even doing these activities that she has done every day for the past seventeen years of her life, they didn't feel the same knowing she had lost Deena. She was on the verge of tears all night, and when she finally sat down on her bed, she opened the box again and the tears began falling. She took her shirt and bra out and held it under her nose. It smelled like Deena's detergent. It was such a comforting smell, but it only brought more heart break to Sam.

As she was about to put the clothes under her pillow, something dropped out of her shirt. It was a cassette tape. Sam was confused, and thought that Deena accidentally put it in with the shirt. She picked it up and there was no label on it. She thought about calling Deena, or using it as an excuse to talk to her again, but she decided not to. That would be too risky considering how fresh their fight was. Instead, she put the cassette into her player. She was shocked when the first song that came on was All I can think about is now by The Pixies. It was the tape they were listening to when they kissed and hooked up. Sam slammed her fist down onto the pause button out of shock. She took a moment to think, and she gently pressed play again. She let the tape play as she turned over in her bed, wearing Deena's sweater and shorts while holding the bra and shirt that smelled like her detergent. It was the closest thing to having Deena with her for one last time.

After their fight, Deena found Kate and Simon, and they walked back to her car. Kate and Simon were complaining about how they lost the game and how bad the referee was, but Deena wasn't paying attention. She was replaying their fight over and over in her head, and this drowned out the voices of her friends. She got in the car, and didn't realise she had slammed the door so hard. Kate and Simon both turned to her, and she was brought out of her zombie-like state, realising she had tears in her eyes, her jaw was clenched and her hands were balled up into fists so tight her nails dug into her skin, bleeding a little.

"Jesus, Deena!" Kate yelped when she slammed the door.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise I slammed it hard..I just. I.." she couldn't finish her sentence before she dropped her head against the steering wheel, sighing and fighting back tears.

"Deena?" Simon asked her quietly.

There was silence for a few seconds until Deena lifted her head up. She sniffed and wiped away her tears. "I gave the box back to Sam.."

"Oh God, what happened?" both Simon and Kate asked at the same time.

"I saw her about to fuck Peter Chernin, and she saw I saw her and then..." Deena trailed off.

"Then what?" Kate asked.

Deena then explained the entire timeline of events. From seeing Peter grab Sam's ass to their fight, and everything they said to each other. Deena was crying the entire time she spoke, not out of sadness but out of anger.

Kate and Simon just gave her a sorrowful look, and told her it was going to be okay. They pulled her in for a tight hug.

"Anyone feel like cheeseburgers?" Simon said into their hug. This made all three of them laugh, and Deena drove them all to their favourite burger place. They got their usual orders and all ate in the car, listening to music and laughing with each other.

Kate and Simon continued to spend the night at Deena's place, as well as the following weekend. That weekend made Deena the happiest she had ever been. They did their homework together, and somehow they made it fun for Deena to do math. They woke up early and baked pancakes, and stayed up late watching scary movies. Deena had washed her sheets so that the scent of Sam would be gone, and it was. It was hard for her to sleep on Friday night without the comforting smell of Sam's sweetness, but she got through it. The weekend that followed was freeing, both emotionally and mentally. Deena felt free and peaceful. She hadn't thought about Sam once.

She hadn't thought about her at all in fact. That's how fun of a weekend she had. It was going perfect until Sunday night, when Deena got ready for bed, she knew she would have to see Sam again tomorrow at school. She made jokes about moving schools that didn't sit kindly with Simon and Kate. Deena couldn't sleep at all that night. She kept tossing and turning at the thought of having to be in the mere presence of Sam. Finally at around four am, while she could hear the birds chirping, she finally drifted off into sleep.