Look at me | SAM x DEENA | FEAR STREET 1994 |

Chapter 66

Sam woke up the next day extremely late for school. In all her grief and regret that surrounded the thought of Deena and the situation she was in, Sam forgot to turn her alarm on. A part of her never wanted to turn it on. The second she woke up she wished she could've gone back to sleep. She looked at her alarm clock and read the time. It was past twelve already and Sam just rolled back over and tried to get back to sleep. She tried so hard but after a few minutes she gave up and slid out of bed.

She reluctantly got ready, and before she left the house she felt like something was missing. She ran back up her stairs and grabbed Deena's sweater. She didn't care if it was something she didn't usually wear. She couldn't care about anything other than Deena. She put the sweater on and began walking to school.

When she arrived she used the same excuse to the office ladies who believed her. She made her way to the class she had at the time. She groaned quietly as she realised that she had both Peter and Sheila in that class. She pushed open the door and made her way to her seat silently. She pulled out her book, but she couldn't focus on the lesson at all. All she could focus on was every moment she had with Deena and how she took it all for granted, how she ruined it all with just a few words.

She rested her head in her hands as she doodled in her book aimlessly. She could never forgive herself. She would never. She vowed to herself from that moment to never forgive herself for what she did to Deena. Even if it wasn't directly her fault and she didn't know the girls would do that, Kate was right. It would not have happened if she hadn't enabled the girls. Just because she was mad.

Sam knew deep down that the excuse she kept telling herself; that she was having a bad day or was in a bad mood just wasn't good enough to justify what she did. She knew those girls have always had it out for Deena, and she knew Deena was a target. Yet in all her selfishness Sam riled the girls up anyways because she was too absorbed in her own world to actually register what was happening in reality.

Sam started preparing herself for the worst. She kept telling herself that Deena was going to make it, but what if she didn't? How could Sam live with herself knowing it was her fault she died? But the injury she had couldn't have been that bad, could it? Sam didn't know anything about medical science or the body so she couldn't trust her opinion on that. It was safe to say Sam would be spending her time in a constant state of stress and anxiety not knowing whether Deena would make it. Sam had traumatised herself emotionally and had beaten herself up so much already after knowing what happened to Deena.

But what if she makes it? This is a whole different situation, that would still be very bad. Best case scenario, they work through it, but that was in a perfect and ideal world. Sam knew that this wasn't going to happen, and more than likely they would break up and Deena would hate her forever. Kate and Simon would also hate her and be hellbent on ruining her life. Sam would have to live with the fact that the love of her life didn't love her back anymore because of her own selfishness.

Sam wondered if they could work through it...

She scoffed to herself quietly. She knew Deena. She knew how mad she was, and she knew especially how hurt she would be from this solely because it was Sam. She had told Sam the one thing she was afraid of if she admitted she was in love with Sam was it would open her up to being hurt. Sam already hurt her emotionally when she said yes to Peter's promposal, but now the hurt was physical. Sam could just never stop hurting Deena. It was all her fault. In every situation Sam was the common denominator.

The more she thought the more tears welled up in her eyes. Every single sound except for the cries of her voice inside her head was drowned out. Her body was following the schedule, when she heard the bell she would get up and go to the next class, but mentally she was checked out. She was so tired, so exhausted, and she missed Deena more than anything in the world. It was as if Sam was an addict to a life sustaining substance, and that substance was Deena. Whether it was her curls, her scent, her laugh or smile, Sam was addicted to it and couldn't get enough of it. All she could think about were the crinkles around her eyes as she smiled, or the way her teeth were shaped, or how her eyes lit up whenever she was happy. Her thoughts were interrupted by the announcement over the speakers.