Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️

Joke 25: Christmas Celebrations

Author's Note ✍🏽

Wishing you all a really Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May all your dreams come true and you enjoy good health and wealth in your search for true happiness ........

Enjoy yourselves ❤️❤️❤️

M❤️&T 💋💋 aka DupliTwins.

Christmas was coming and Little Johnny's Mum and Dad took him to a shopping centre to see Santa Claus.

Johnny walked up and sat on Santa's lap and said "Santa, for Christmas I want a bloody new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my fucking bed. I want a bloody new baseball glove, and I want it put under the fucking Christmas tree. And Santa, I want a bleedin' new bike and I want it put under the bleedin' tarpaulin in the fucking shed."

Santa, in complete shock, pulled Little Johnny's parents aside and said: "In all my years, I have never seen a little boy with such a foul mouth."

His parents replied "We know, but we have no idea what to do about his behaviour. We've tried everything."

Santa thought about it and said, "Here's what you should do to teach him a lesson. Every place that Johnny asked for a present, put a pile of dog poop." The parents agreed to try Santa's plan.

On Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and immediately looked under his bed. Seeing the pile of poop, he ran downstairs to the Christmas tree and checked underneath.

Finding another pile of poop under the tree, he ran out the door and threw open the shed door. He quickly pulled back the tarpaulin and found yet another pile of poop.

Johnny walked out of the shed and started looking all around the yard. After a while, his parents asked him sarcastically "So Little Johnny, what did you get for Christmas?"

Without missing a beat, Johnny looked at his parents and said "I think I got a bleedin' dog, but I can't find the motherfucker!"

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Julie was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the shop counter and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy.

Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section, "How much is this gold tinsel garland?"

The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, "This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre."

"Wow, that's great," said Julie, "I'll take 12 metres."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Julie.

Julie then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said to the youth, "My Grandpa will settle the bill."

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Three refuse collectors were doing their Christmas rounds and collecting their well earned Christmas tips and gifts from the grateful householders when they arrived at a pleasant house at the end of a cul-de-sac.

The first refuse collector went up to the door to be met by the lady of the house in very revealing attire, who said, "Oh yes, I know what you want!" She then dragged him upstairs to the bedroom to have her wicked way with him.