A guy from Britain, a guy from France, and a Spaniard are caught stealing in a foreign country.
They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However the judge wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.
The Spanish guy is first to be lashed and requests a bottle of tequila and a pillow strapped to his back. They let him drink the tequila and strap the pillow to his back and then commence the lashes. After 5 lashes the pillow breaks and they keep lashing him. After the 20 lashes he's bawling and his back is horribly scarred. They haul him away to be sent back to Spain.
The Frenchman is next and he requests two pillows (one per request). After 10 lashes the pillows break and they continue with the next 10. By the end he's also horribly scarred and bawling, but not as bad as the Spanish guy.
While they are hauling off the French guy the judge turns to the Brit and says, "Well it's your turn now. What do you request?"
The British man responds, "First I want the original punishment of 100 lashes. I don't believe I should get off easy."
The Judge yells, "You're crazy! Why would you do that?"
The Brit responds "Because my next request is to have the Frenchman strapped to my back."
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I recently placed a bid for a rifle used in the war by a French officer.
It was in good shape having only been dropped twice in surrender.
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A British Canadian, a Russian, and a French guy are all armed with pistols and sitting around a campfire.
The Russian pulls out a full bottle of Vodka, opens it and drinks about a quarter of it. He then throws it up into the air, draws his gun and shoots it.
The Canadian yells, "What the fuck?"
The Russian says, "In Russia we have so much Vodka we can waste it like that."
The French guy nods his head, pulls out a bottle of wine..., drinks half and throws and shoots the bottle.
Again the Canadian yells, "What the fuck?"
The French guy says, "It's the same in France with wine."
The Russian asks "Hey Mr Canadian man...! Isn't there something in Canada you have a lot of that you can waste?"
So the Canadian draws his gun and shoots the French guy.
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A guy from Sweden and his French male colleague were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. After the work day was over they went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. They saw some lovely, cheap lemons there and the Swede wanted to buy some but didn't have a bag on him.
When he mentioned this to his French colleague, the Frenchmen pulled out a big white handkerchief from his pocket and offered that he could bundle up the lemons in it.
After thanking him the Swede mentioned that it was awesome that he actually carried a white handkerchief with him since people rarely do it these days and just use tissues.
The Frenchman was like, "Oh, didn't you know, all Frenchmen are required to carry a white handkerchief in their pocket by law. You never know when the Germans might show up."
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It's the First World War, and a French Battalion and a German Battalion face each other in the trenches.
It's a rather slow day, and the Krauts sit bored in their trenches.
Then, a young corporal speaks out. "We really need to kill more Frenchie's! What can we do to lure them out?"
A young recruit asks, "What is a typical French name?"
Another answers, "Well there's Pierre, Jean, and Claude for starters."
The young recruit gets up, puts his rifle on the edge of the trench, aims, then shouts, "Pierre!!"
From the other trench, a blue helmed head pops up, and answers, "Oui?"
Bang! The Frenchman falls over dead.
The German shouts again, "Claude!!"
Another Frenchman looks up, asking, "Oui?"
Bang! He is dead as well.
This continues for another half an hour, with the Germans having a whale of a good time alternating the names.
The French commanders stick their heads together.
"This can't continue! Our men are dying like flies!" One Captain says.
"Can't we turn that tactic on them, as well?" Asked a Lieutenant.
The French commanders think.
"What's a typical German name?" The Captain asks.
"Erich!" The Lieutenant answers.
They decide to try it out immediately. They send a soldier out with their new master plan. He gets his rifle, nervously peeks out of the trench at the German line, then shouts: "Erich!!"
Nothing happens.
He shouts again, "Erich!!"
Still, no answer.
Slightly annoyed, he shouts louder. "ERICH!!"
From the other side, a German voice in French asks,
"Is that you, Pierre?"
The French soldier looks up, "Oui!!"
Bang! He gets shot.
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I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defence class.
I've never run so far in my life.
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Why do French people look so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England.
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How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?
I don't know, it's never been done.
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Why did the French give the statue of liberty to America?
They had no use for a statue with only one hand raised.
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Quick Giggle.
What do you call a French guy wearing sandals?
Philippe Philoppe.
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Author's Note ✍🏽
Tomorrow it's take the proverbial piss out of the Krauts day!
So hold onto your hat any Germans out there!
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YOU ARE READING
Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️
HumorAs the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
