Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️

Joke 36: Don't mess with a Scouser!

Author's Note ✍🏽

A Scouser is the name given to people from Liverpool, a dock city in the northwest of England. They have a renowned reputation of being a tough, resilient breed and allegedly workshy. It is common knowledge to never leave anything lying around unattended if there's Scousers about as it's quite likely to go missing.
Jokes about Scousers are in abundance in the UK, like, 'Wandering round Liverpool yesterday was a young mum, with her toddler son, when he decided to have a tantrum, and threw his favourite red toy car out of his buggy. By the time I picked it up, it was blue and had new number plates,' or 'Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool? Because if it walked it would be mugged.' Get the picture?

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A few months ago, there was an opening with the SAS for an assassin.

These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men from London and a woman from Liverpool, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The SAS men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her"

The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!"

"Well" said the SAS man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances" they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went into the room.

All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No" the SAS man replied. "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman from Liverpool left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the SAS men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for full 13 shots.

Then all hell broke loose in the room.

They heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said "You didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the little shit to death with the chair!"

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Two Scousers on a motorbike are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool, when their motorbike breaks down.