Author's Note ✍🏽
It would appear that the Scots allegedly have a reputation of being tight, you know, more than careful with money and also about being heavy drinkers of whisky so many jokes abound about the Scots on these themes.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and £100,000 in appreciation for the blood donation.
A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a further corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood. After the second surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him, "I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?"
To this the Arab replied, "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins."
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A Scot is the only man on earth who would step over the bodies of a dozen bronzed naked beauties just to get to a glass of whiskey.
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The Scots have an infallible cure for sea-sickness.
They lean over the side of the ship with a ten pence coin in their teeth.
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Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
"God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!"
Lottery night! Someone else wins...
Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!"
Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again.
"Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders, "Jock at least meet Me halfway and buy a ticket!"
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Jock was travelling by train seated next to a stern-faced clergyman. As Jock pulled out a bottle of whisky from his pocket the clergyman glared and said reprovingly, "Look here, I am sixty-five and I have never tasted whisky in my life!"
"Dinna worry, Minister," smiled Jock, pouring himself a dram. "There's no risk of you starting now!"
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YOU ARE READING
Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️
HumorAs the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
