Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️

Joke 100: The Thai/Ting Tong.

Women in Thailand are like a box of chocolates......

You never know which one has nuts.

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Just came back from holiday in Thailand...........

and I was so close to shagging a ladyboy!!

Looked like a lady. Talked like a lady. Kissed like a lady........

It was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car into the garage in one try I thought to myself, "Hang on a fucking moment..."

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Told my dad that 12 boys from a junior football team are lost in a flooded cave in Thailand.

Dad: They should call a priest.

Me: Dad! They could still be alive.

Dad: Yes I believe that they are still alive as well, just toss a priest in the cave and he'll find those boys real quick.

Author's Note ✍🏽
I'm glad the cave rescue is complete....
Now when I google Thai boys I can get back to normal results.

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A man was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend. They had great sex and were catching their breath. As they lay there, she started rubbing and stroking his testicles, over and over. He enjoyed the feeling of her touch, but was curious.

"That feels really nice. Why do you like doing that?" he asked.

"Because," she replied, "I really miss mine."

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What is the difference between the US and Thailand?

In the US you deal with mail fraud

In Thailand you deal with male fraud

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I just got back from Thailand....

While I was there I went for a testicle check up. The little Thai nurse cupped my balls and said, "Don't worry sir, it's quite normal to get an erection during this procedure."

I said, "I don't have an erection."

"No," she said, "but I do."

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I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident I had to stick my head between my legs.

I couldn't help thinking, 'if I could do that I wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'

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Oh, did you see the story about the missionaries that adopted that baby that was born with no eyelids?

No? It was pretty interesting. So, check it out. This group of missionaries were working in a rural part of some country in Asia, Thailand I think, and they found this baby that had been born with a congenital birth defect, he was born without eyelids.

Yeah I know, it's pretty crazy. The country hospital they found him in was trying to keep him from going blind by dropping eye drops into his eyes every few minutes. The missionaries felt horrible for the kid and his family, so they offered to adopt him, and after pulling a few strings they brought him to a children's hospital in London to see if he could be helped.

So this awesome plastic surgeon there discovered that he could transplant the kids foreskin and create usable eyelids, and they saved the kids sight!

Everything worked, the surgery was successful. Only problem now is that the kid is just a little bit cock-eyed.

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Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery.

To my horror they were right.

We had six matching balls.

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Quick Giggle.

You usually don't get British Breakfast in Thailand..

but you will occasionally find two eggs and a sausage in places, where you were not even hoping for it.

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Author's Note ✍🏽

Tomorrow it's take the proverbial piss out of the Aussies day!

So hold onto your hat Bhangoo

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