As the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
What's the difference between a feminist and a vacuum cleaner?
They both suck, but a vacuum cleaner has a handle on it.
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What do vacuums and woman have in common?
The more you pay, the better they suck.
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I just spent 3 hours in the emergency room. The Dyson Ball vacuum has a very misleading name....... and don't even get me started on the crevice tool.
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Muslim terrorists have crashed a speedboat full of explosives into the base of the Hoover Dam...
Police suspect this might be the first attack in a month long operation named Ramadam.
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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Fuck off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money," and she tried to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a fucking good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
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There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.
One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
George's parents immediately stormed into the classroom. "Our son is not dumb!" they yelled. "He is a sweet and kind young lad with plenty of potential!"
"He has no potential at all!" shrieked Mrs. Jones. "He was born an idiot and he'll die an idiot!"
The Gundersons were so outraged that they immediately moved to Chicago.
Some thirty years later, Mrs. Jones came down with a terrible illness and went to her doctor.
"You have a very rare disease," the doctor said. "There is only one doctor in the whole country who can cure your disease. His name is Dr. Gunderson, and he works in the Chicago hospital."
At once, Mrs. Jones bought a plane ticket to Chicago. After arriving in Chicago, she went straight to the hospital and asked for Dr. Gunderson.
While treating Mrs. Jones, Dr. Gunderson put her on a life support system. One day, she asked him, "You know, Dr. Gunderson, I don't believe you ever told me your first name. What is it?"
Dr. Gunderson was about to answer, when suddenly, Mrs. Jones collapsed. She was dead.
Dr. Gunderson saw that the janitor had absentmindedly unplugged the life support system so he could plug in his vacuum cleaner. He shook his head and said to the janitor, "You know, George, sometimes I can't believe you're my brother."
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