As the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, an English Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?
See the answer below.
The Scenario: You're a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
The Question: What do you do?
The Answers:
Australian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click'...Reload...
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
English Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.
1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Am I dressed provocatively?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?
13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
Glasgow Police Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie....! Drop the wee knifie richt this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse!"
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
A girl phones her mother and says, "Mum, I'm getting a divorce."
"Why?" asks the mother , sounding a little shocked.
"Mum, all he wants is anal sex. I used to have a lovely little arsehole the size of a 5p coin. Now it's the size of a 50p coin."
The mother replies, "Listen Sweetie. You have a lovely Porsche, a platinum Amex card, a villa in the Bahamas, kids in private school, and 6 holidays a year. Do you really want to give all that up for the sake of 45p?"
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
My boyfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. He looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my arse."
I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first!
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
Quick Giggle
Is BLOWJOB one word?
Or is it BLOW JOB?
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Fuck!
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
