Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️

Joke 81: Seniors

Rehab Exercise For Senior Men

My doctor started me on a rehab exercise program.

I am walking with a walking therapist every day.

I never knew walking with someone else was such an incentive.

We don't talk much during the walk, though.

My therapist walks about 10 feet ahead of me and sets the pace, as directed by my doctor.

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So far, I have followed her for 27 miles without even using my cane!

I am feeling better each mile and my heart condition,

my blood pressure and my breathing seem to be improving.

I have fun where ever we go!

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On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear, and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream van hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

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Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, Seniors Bar – ALL drinks 10p. They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.

Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred-and says, "That'll be 10p each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40p, please."

They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a £1 yet. Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?"

"I'm a retired tailor," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p. wine, liqueurs, beer, it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, 'They're retired people on holiday from Jerusalem. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

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A man comes out of the shower and says to his wife, "It's too hot to wear clothes today." He continued, "Darling, what would the neighbour's think if I went and mowed the lawn like this?"

She looks at him up and down. "That I married you for your money?"

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Quick Giggle

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!"

I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!"

Then I unplugged his life support.

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