As the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer. You're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air-conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there. Send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be allowed to cross a bridge into Heaven.
St Peter at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time, and your faithfulness to your last partner, decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times."
St Peter gives him an old model pick up.
The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes Benz.
The last man says, "20 years and not once, I loved her with all my heart."
And that so impressed St Peter that he was given a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men.
Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel of his magnificent car.
One guy says, "I know we are dead but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard."
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Three friends, two straight guys and a gay guy, and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship and they all drowned.
The next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy."
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
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Quick Giggle
"One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears.
Personally, I think it's bollocks."
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