Before we start:-
How does every Islamic joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
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A few handy Arabic phrases translated to English, just in case you're ever kidnapped by terrorists.
AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.
Thank you for showing me your marvellous gun.
FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT RAEH GUSH DIVAR.
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.
I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!
Whatever you say!
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN.
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.
TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE GOYAST INO BERGERAM.
The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.
BA BODENEH SHEERELL TEEGZ. Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs.
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A college student is taking a walk in Central park in New York.
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He saves the girl's life, but the pit bull is killed in the process.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers, 'Brave New Yorker saves life of little girl'.
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning, 'Brave American saves life of little girl,'" the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?"
The man says, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says, 'Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.'
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Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need to treat it with some respect.
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Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️
HumorAs the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
