Alf and his wife went on their honeymoon to Australia...
Unfortunately, Alf had to dial the help line.
"G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie helpline. How can we help ya?"
Alf told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeymoon, and well....ya know."
The guy on the help line replies, "Ah, bummer mate!"
Alf answered, "I hadn't thought of that! Thanks for the advice. You've saved my honeymoon!"
🤭🤭🤭
I wanted to visit Australia so I went to the embassy to get a visa.
The woman behind the counter asked if I'd been convicted of a crime.
I told her I didn't know that was still necessary.
🤭🤭🤭
400 years ago, England sent their criminals to Australia and puritans to America
Sounds like Australia got the better deal
🤭🤭🤭
Most Australians aren't too good at history.
For example, they think Gandhi's first name was Goosey Goosey
🤭🤭🤭
How many Aussies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies ?
Ten.
One to make the butter, and nine to peel the M&Ms.
🤭🤭🤭
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu."
Timbuktu is a city in Africa.
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration.
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife.
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women, cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two.
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ..."
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
An Aussie was beaten up this morning by a busty woman in a lift.
He told the doctors that he was staring at her boobs when the woman said, 'Would you please press One!'
"So I did and I don't remember much after that!"
YOU ARE READING
Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️
HumorAs the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
