As the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
Author's Note ✍🏽 Adapted from one of Billy Connolly's jokes
An old lady got on a bus in Glasgow and took the last seat that was available. A few stops later a dwarf got on and, as there were no seats and the bus was very full, he had to cling desperately to a pole.
A mother nudged her daughter, who was in her school uniform, and urged her to go and offer the dwarf her seat. The young girl got up and very politely said "Would you care to take my seat?"
The dwarf flew into a rage and shouted at the top of his voice "Och aye! I'm a dwarf and you offer me a seat simply because I'm a dwarf. I've been a dwarf all my life and it's not a problem for me stand so keep your seat."
The girl, cringing with embarrassment, slunk back to her seat with the dwarf's dismissive words ringing in her ears. The bus trundled on in silent embarrassment for the next couple of stops.
Then a big Glaswegian woman was getting off the bus and before she got to the door to get off she went over to the dwarf and tapped him several times on the head. "I'm getting off the bus and I'm leaving an empty seat just there."
The dwarf starts to shout out at the top of his voice "Because I'm a dwarf...."But the big Glaswegian woman cuts him off with a firm "No. Not because you're a dwarf, but because you're another human being. I happen to be leaving the bus.... My seat is now vacant and I'm merely pointing out to you that it exists. As a matter of fact I thought you were extremely rude to the wee schoolgirl and you owe her an apology. As a matter of fact I hope when you get home tonight Snow White kicks your arse."
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Quick Giggle
Did you know that if you put your testicle on the opening of a beer bottle and put a lighter under the base, eventually the heat will create a vacuum and your testicle will be sucked into the bottle?
If you ever tried this, let me know how to reverse the process.
Need answers fast.
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