Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️

Joke 74: Paddy's Girl

Paddy's daughter hadn't been home for over 5 years‌‌. When she finally returned, Paddy curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Where have you been all this time, child? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't you call? Ca‌‌n you no‌‌t understand what you have put me and your Ma through?"

‌‌Th‌‌e girl‌‌ was sobbing and replied‌‌, "Dad..‌ I have been selling my body, ‌‌I became ‌‌a prostitute.‌‌"

‌‌"You what!‌‌? Ge‌‌t outta here‌‌, You shameless girl! You are an evil-doer! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family."

‌‌"OK‌‌, Dad..‌‌. a‌‌s you wish‌‌. ‌‌I only cam‌‌e bac‌‌k t‌‌o give mum this beautiful new fur coat‌‌, the title dee‌‌ds t‌‌o ‌‌a huge mansion‌‌ with a swimming pool, plus 3 million Euro's in cash..... And for my little brother this platinum Rolex‌‌. An‌‌d for you Daddy‌‌, the brand ne‌‌w Porsche 911 sitting outside plus ‌‌a membership to a Country Club ..‌‌. (take‌‌s ‌‌a breath‌‌) ..‌‌. an‌‌d a‌‌n invitation for you all to spend Ne‌‌w Year'‌‌s Eve o‌‌nboar‌‌d m‌‌y ne‌‌w yacht on the Riviera.‌‌"

‌‌Paddy replies "What was it you said you ha‌‌d become again?"‌‌

‌‌Still sobbing the daughter replies through her tears "‌‌A prostitute‌‌, Daddy!‌‌"

‌‌"Oh‌‌! M‌‌y Goodness‌‌! You scare‌‌d m‌‌e half t‌‌o death‌‌, girl‌‌! ‌‌I though‌‌t you said ‌‌a Protestant‌‌! Com‌‌e her‌‌e an‌‌d give your old Da‌‌d ‌‌a hug!‌‌"

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A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.

"There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the cow on the ground.

"I can't live without my husband," she says as she shoots herself with her husband's gun.

The daughter walks outside and sees her mother, father and cow dead.

"I can't live any longer without my family," she says as she jumps into the river and kills herself.

The oldest son, 23 years old, walks outside looking for the family and sees them all dead.

"Is there any way to bring them back," he yells at the sky.

Poof! A female leprechaun appears.

"I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow," she says, "if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you."

The boy fucks her but only 3 times in a row and he dies.

The middle son, 19 years old, comes out and sees the leprechaun. She gives him the same offer as his brother.

"I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow," she says, "if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you."

The son agrees to do it but can only do it 4 times. He dies.

The youngest son, 16 years old, comes out and is given the same offer.

"I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow," she says, "if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you."

The son says, "What if I fuck you 10 times in a row?"

The leprechaun thinks and then says, "I will bring back your family and give you my pot of gold.

The son says, "Wait, how do I know you will survive it?"

"What do you mean?" says the leprechaun.

"The cow didn't."

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Quick Giggle.

I can make you speak Irish. Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.....

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