Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️

Joke 80: Smart Arse.

A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!

A smart-arse bloke in the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand!"

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Two men meet on the street. One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"

The other one replies: "I'm fine, thanks."

"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"

"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."

"Meditating? What's that?"

"I dont know. But it's better than sitting around and do nothing!"

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Five Rules to Remember in Life.

1) Forgive your enemy but remember their name.

2) Money can't buy happiness but it's more comfortable in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

3) Help someone when they're in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4) Many people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

5) Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again neither does milk.

These should assist you with most daily decisions choices.

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Quick Giggle.

Did you know you're supposed to pull anal beads out slowly?

I didn't.🫣

I started this boy up like a fucking chainsaw.

Bonus Quick Giggle.

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.

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