Gary is in Hospital.
Who the hell is Gary ?
Well, Gary is the geezer who got home late one night and Marilyn, his wife, says, "Where the hell have you been?"
Gary replies, "I was getting a tattoo!"
"A tattoo?" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a £50 note on my privates," he replied proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a £50 note tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow fifty quid anytime you want."
Gary is now in The Critical Care Unit, Room 233. No visitors allowed until further notice.
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Admiral Nelson is sitting in his cabin when the cabin boy says, "Sir, there's a Spanish galleon on the horizon.
"Boy! Bring me my three cornered hat telescope and my red jacket." He goes on deck and blows the ship to pieces.
Back in the cabin the boy says, "I understand the hat and telescope but why the
Red coat, Sir?"
"Well should I have been shot I wouldn't want the men to see me bleeding."
A week later the cabin boy comes running in, "Sir, the Spanish fleet have been sighted."
"Boy! Bring me my three cornered hat, telescope and my dark brown corduroy trousers."
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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the garden. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five pounds you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five pounds, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five pounds. The little boy says,
"Grandpa, you already gave me five pounds."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma "
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Quick Giggle.
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
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YOU ARE READING
Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️
HumorAs the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
