A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.
"10 pence," says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"15 pence," says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
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A Scotsman takes dog to the vet. "My dog has swallowed a condom, canna ye do anything?"
"Leave him with me and come back in a few hours," says the vet.
Half an hour later the vet's phone rings. "Don't worry about the condom," says the Scotsman. "The wife's found another in the medicine cabinet."
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Last night, Bob and Bill, a couple of mates of mine in America, were having some wings and beer after work. Bob said that there were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. He said he could have sworn that they had a Scottish accent.
As big fan of girls from the UK, Bob struck up a conversation and asked them, "So... are you two ladies from Scotland?"
Bob could see immediately that he had offended them. The brunette scowled and said, hotly, "WALES!"
Bob promptly apologised and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?"
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Quick Giggle.
How many budgerigars can a Scotsman get under his kilt?
It all depends on the size of his perch.
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YOU ARE READING
Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️
HumorAs the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
