As the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that his camel died of thirst.
He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his last breath, when suddenly, he saw a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawled to the object, pulled it out of the sand, and discovered that he had a Manischewitz wine bottle.
It appeared that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrewed the top, and out popped a genie. BUT this was no ordinary genie.
This genie appeared to be a Hasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, and tzitzis.
"Vell kid," said the genie, "you know how it voiks. You got three vishes."
''I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!"
"Vott'ya got to lose? Looks ta me - you're a gonner anyvay!"
The Arab thought about this for a minute, and decided that the genie was right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis, with plentiful food and drink."
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The Arab found himself in the most beautiful oasis he had ever seen and he was surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"Okee-dokee kiddo, vat's your second vish?"
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
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The Arab found himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare old coins and precious gems.
"Okay kid, you got just von more vish. Better you should make it a good von!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says, "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!"
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He was turned into a tampon..
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.
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A guy walks into a New York bar, carrying a bag and he had a slightly disappointed look on his face. He sits down at the bar and puts his bag on it.
"What's in the bag?" asks the bartender.
Without saying a word, the man pulls a tiny little grand piano and an equally small chair from the bag, places them on the bar, and then a live one-foot-tall man steps out of the bag, sits next to the piano and starts playing. The one-foot-tall man played quite marvellously.
"That is amazing!" says the bartender. "Where did you get it?"
The man takes a lamp out of the bag, hands it to the bartender, and tells him, "Rub the lamp."
The bartender rubs the lamp, a genie comes out and tells the bartender, "You have one wish." The bartender doesn't need to think twice. He immediately says, "I want a million bucks!"
Suddenly, a duck appears out of nowhere. Then another duck. Before you know it the bar is full of ducks.
The bartender is furious. "Is your fucking genie deaf? I asked for a million BUCKS, not a million ducks!"
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"And you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"
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Quick Giggle.
A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it's time to go inside.
