Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️

Joke 102: The Americans/Yanks.

An American man gets married to a British woman

Before the big night, his father tells him, "Tonight I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation. Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation. And finally I want you to take off your clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation."

After the big night the father asks his son, "So how was it?"

Son: "Well, I carried her in my arms to show her that the US is a strong nation."

Father: "Good!"

Son: "Then I threw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation."

Father: "Yeah!"

Son: "And then I took off my clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation."

Father: "Very Good! And then what did you do?"

Son: "I jacked off in front of her."

Father: "What? Why would you do that for?"

Son: "To show her that the US is a free and independent nation!"

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

In Britain we call it a 'lift' but Americans call it an 'elevator'.

I guess we're just raised differently.

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

I see that in the US they're complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the good old American way.......

But, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

What is the difference between Americans and IT support?

Americans don't have troubleshooting.

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

An American walks into a pub in Australia and says, ''I'll have a bud light.''

The bartender replies, ''You're an American, right?''

The guy says, ''How did you know, was it the beer or my accent?''

To which the bartender replies, ''Nah, neither! You're the fattest fuck I've ever seen in my life.''

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

A Native American came into my restaurant and asked for a table for four.

I said "Do you have a reservation?"

He told me to fuck off and stormed out.

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

A Nissan rear-ended a Jeep in England.

Immediately from the Jeep two huge American's jump out. They go over to the other car, pull the guy out, and start beating him.

He is starting to scream, "Come on, guys, stop!"

They continue.

He tries to stop them again, but they don't listen. Then he says, "Come on, guys, please stop, we are in England!"

They answer to him, "We don't care that we are in England, this is how we do things in America, so you are not getting away with it."

Then he shouts to them, "Jesus, guys, you are bloody idiots. This is England. The driver is in the other seat!"

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

When Donald Trump was President he paid a State visit to the UK and met the Queen.

He said to her, "I'd like to change the name of the United States of America to the Empire of the United States of America so I can be an Emperor."

The Queen smiled graciously. "I'm sorry Mr President, for you to have an Empire you have to have an Emperor, and you, Mr President, are no Emperor."

Trump thought about it and said, "Well how about the Kingdom of the United States of America?"

The Queen once again smiled graciously. "No! I'm sorry, Mr President, for you to have a kingdom you must be a King, and you, Mr President are no King."

Trump sighed. "Well what then?"

Once again The Queen smiled graciously. "I think, Mr President, it would be best if you stayed a country."

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

Quick Giggle.

I had to go see my doctor today because I'm having an unusual problem.

I say to him, "I've got a problem, every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem."

The doctor said, "Don't worry, a lot of wankers sing that."

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

Author's Note ✍🏽

Tomorrow it's take the proverbial piss out of the Frogs day!

So hold onto your hat @chrysty13