As the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
On their way to see their priest about getting married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they began to wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven?
So when St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter replied, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out. Could they get a divorce in heaven?
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" answered the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
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An old lady dies and she goes to heaven. She's chatting up a storm with St. Peter at the Pearly gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood curdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes bored into her shoulder blades for her wings."
The old lady looks a bit uncomfortable but continues the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.
"Oh my God," says the little old lady, "now what's happening?"
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "she's only having her head drilled to fit her halo."
"I can't do this," says the little old lady, "I'm off to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter, "you'll be raped and sodomised!!"
"Yes, but I already have the holes for that!" said the little old lady.
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Quick Giggle
I came out of the chip shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said "I've not eaten for two days."
I told him "I wish I had your will power.."
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