As the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
I paid my first visit to a fertility clinic last week and on arrival the Receptionist handed me a tube and asked if I would go behind the curtain and masturbate into it.
I gave her a disappointed look. "When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me."
She smiled at me, rather condescendingly. "This is a sperm bank Sir, and it doesn't work that way."
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The director of the sperm bank summoned the blonde receptionist to his office. "It's really nice that you're so polite to people who drop by here but when they're on their way out again I think you should say something other than, 'Thank you for coming!'"
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A man walks into a sperm bank with a jar in his hand.
"What are you here for today, sir?" the Receptionist woman asks.
The man explains, "So I was here a couple of days ago and I was asked to bring a sample of my sperm. So I got home and I used both my left hand and right hand. Nothing. I asked my wife for help. She used her left hand and then her right hand. She tried using her mouth too. Still nothing. So then we decided to ask the neighbour for help. She used her left hand, and then her right hand, and then her mouth, and then under her armpit."
The Receptionist is appalled. "You seriously had to ask your neighbour for assistance?!"
The man replies, "Yeah, and we still couldn't get the jar open."
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I read that donations to sperm banks have dropped dramatically...It's probably because, these days, most men do their banking online...
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How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your partner has to chew before they swallow.
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TRUE FACT: Male sperm (Y) swim faster and die sooner than female sperm (X), because female sperm contain heavier genetic material, which slows them down but allows them to live longer.
THEREFORE: Males with longer penises tend to produce more male offspring because they deposit the sperm closer to the egg and Y sperm cells win the "sprint." Males with shorter penises tend to have more female offspring because sperm is deposited further from the egg, Y sperm die off thus allowing X sperm to win the "marathon."
CONCLUSION: Look at your family. This tells you whether or not your father had a big dick.
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