Author's Note ✍🏽
Yorkshire is a county in the north of England and people from there often refer to it as God's Own County, claiming it to be the best county in England. They are also reputed to be more than careful with money.
So the video below really is taking the piss out of them for thinking that they are superior to everyone else.
YORKSHIRE AIRLINES.
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After having dug to a depth of 10 metres last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the French: in the weeks that followed, American archaeologists dug to a depth of 20 feet before finding traces of copper wire. Shortly afterwards, they published an article in the New York Times saying : "American archaeologists, having found traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the French."
A few weeks later, 'The British Archaeological Society of Northern England' reported the following: "After digging down to a depth of 33 metres in the Skipton area of North Yorkshire in 2011, Charlie Hardcastle, a self-taught amateur archaeologist, reported that he had found absolutely fuck all. Charlie has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."
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Two men in a bar. One says "A girl I met in London gave me a sexually transmitted disease". His mate replies "You were lucky, in Yorkshire you would have had to pay for it!"
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A Yorkshireman is lying on his death bed
He had been unwell for a while, and the time was drawing near. The man had asked for his family to be gathered in the bedroom to say their goodbyes.
"Is my darling wife here with me?"
"Yes, love."
"And is my son here, in the bedroom with me?"
"Yes Father, I'm here."
And is my daughter here, in the bedroom with me?"
"Yes Daddy. Oh please don't leave us!"
"And are my grandchildren in here with me?"
"Yes, grandad!"
"Then why is the fuckin' light still on in the front room?"
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"An American is on a tour of European churches.
"First stop the Vatican. He's surprised to see a golden telephone offering direct calls to heaven at £1,000,000 per minute.
"Second stop. Notre Dame, Paris. He sees another golden telephone, this time offering calls at £500,000 per minute.
"Third stop. St Paul's, London. Another golden phone but now £100,000 per minute.
"Fourth stop. York Minster, in Yorkshire He's shocked to see another golden phone but calls are now just 10 pence a minute.
Perplexed, he waylays a passing deacon and asks what the deal is.
The deacon says "The answer is quite simple, lad. You're in Yorkshire now, so it's just a local call."
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Author's Note ✍🏽
Many people from Yorkshire are very fond of cricket and boast Yorkshire cricketers are the best.
A lady from Huddersfield, Yorkshire, walked into a Police Station and the Desk Sergeant asks, "May I help you?"
The lady answers, "Yes... A fella dragged me into the bushes and had his wicked way with me."
"Can you describe him?" Asked the Desk Sergeant.
"Yes! He was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, white shirt and he had these two great big white pads from his feet up to and over his knees.... He had one on each leg."
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketeer, most probably a batsman," said the Desk Sergeant.
"Aye, I reckon," said the lady, "he were likely an Australian cricketeer."
"That's very observant of you," said the Desk Sergeant. "You worked that out by his accent?"
"No," the lady replied. "I worked it out because he weren't in very long."
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My boyfriend asked me if I had seen the cat bowl?
I said, I'll be honest, I didn't even know it could play cricket!"
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Author's Note
Interesting Quote by Fred Trueman - was an English cricketer, acknowledged as one of the greatest bowlers in cricket's history, who played for Yorkshire County Cricket Club and the England cricket team. He had professional status and later became an author and broadcaster.
You should treat women the same way as any good Yorkshire batsman used to treat a cricket ball. Don't stroke 'em, don't tickle 'em, just give 'em a ruddy good belt.
Not sure he'll get away with saying that these days
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Why don't Yorkshiremen wear trousers with an elasticated waist?
Because they give!
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Shrimpy's Very, Very, Naughty Joke Book ⚠️
HumorAs the title suggests this a very, very naughty joke book so if you are easily offended... then this collection of jokes is not for you. Some are clean but the majority are not but the only reason they are in this book is because, rightly or wrongly...
