A Fool's Revenge

Move Along~

I explained everything, minus most of the high school stuff. They sat back in shock as I wiped the few tears that found their way out.

"It's gonna be fine. I'm sure Mike's just a little hurt, he'll get over it." Danny assured but I knew I eventually had to face Mike. I don't when but I had to.

"Yeah, Mike's a big boy. You really need to tell him how you feel though." James added and I looked at him like I was shooting daggers.

"If it was that fucking easy don't you think I would have done it by now?" I snipped and continued to eat the almost-fettuccini Alfredo. I finished it quickly and out my dish in the sink before sitting back with the two boys.

"Obviously but at some point you both need to talk about this." Danny said like he was know-all.

"I know that but I have to figure out my feelings because there's parts of me that really like Mike then there's parts of me that really like someone else." I muttered and drew circles on the wood surface of my kitchen table.

"Who is the other person?" James asked with an intent look on his face. I blushed because in reality, it was two people that I also liked.

"Well, it's really two people. I know one is probably nothing more than just sexual tensions but like my mind is so confused." I sighed and looked deep into James' eyes.

"So then who are they?" Danny pushed.

"James and Ben." I mumbled as quietly as I could. I knew me liking Ben was probably just about the sex but James; there was just something so sweet about him. He treated me better than anyone even during the foursome he was gentler than Ben and Mike.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." I muttered under my breath and dropped my head onto the table causing a loud thus to sound through the silence.

"I get it." James muttered and placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it ever so softly.

"There's no hard feelings for whomever you pick but at some point you're gonna have to choose." He smiled sweetly at me. I was glad he wasn't pissed off or made it all awkward because I don't think I can lose another friend.

"Mind giving us a minute, mate?" Danny said to James and he walked out the back door. I looked up at him and it was like he was looking into my head, trying to figure out what was going on up there.

"Okay. I'm gonna ask you to sort it all out now. Explain why you like each one of them." I looked at him like he was crazy but he made a motion for me to start explaining so I thought and figured I'd start with Ben.

"Well, I think the reason I'm so drawn to Ben is because he's just, I don't know, bad..? there's something so alluring about it, you know?" he nodded. I could tell he was just gonna let me explain it all before he put his two cents in.

"I like James because, well, he's nice to me. I mean he literally told me I was a beautiful person upstairs and I want someone like that. And he was so nice during the... never mind." I stopped myself from revealing that night and Danny rolled his eyes.

"We all know that you, Ben, James and Mike slept together. We heard you all." He smiled and I blushed hard.

"Well, he was just gentler than Mike and Ben. I don't think he would hurt me like Mike would or Ben might." I sighed. He just nodded his head for me to continue.

"As for Mike, it's kind of the same as Ben, he's so alluring but with all of our past, I know we're no good for each other. It's a vicious cycle between us. We sleep with each other, get hurt then fight. It's how it's always been but we always seem to come back to each other." I rubbed my face and he studied me before clearing his throat to speak.

"It seems as though maybe you just need to screw Ben to get it out of your system then kick him to the curb, he's a player anyways. As for James, he is a really good guy and would definitely treat you right, might be an asshole sometimes but he's good at heart. And well, Mike is sort of like Ben, he's a player too but the kid told you he loved you!" he paused and searched my eyes for something but the only thing he would find was conflicted sadness. "Just talk to him. you two need to sort things out the proper way instead of you ignoring him and making everyone worry." He chuckled lightly before getting up. he let James back in and we sat for a little longer just talking before they both left, saying they would call tomorrow to check up on me.

I let them go with a nice goodbye hug, quietly thanking Danny for helping me sort some things out and thanking James for making me feel better.
Seeing as I had slept all day, I made some more food because I was still a little hungry and went back up to my room to watch some movies until I eventually fell asleep.

I thought about all that Danny said and I think he was right; Ben was just lust and I needed to get it out of my system so I would do that first, James is sweet so I think I'll just feel him out for a little bit then I'll talk to Mike. I'm not going to force anything, I'm just gonna let it all happen.

Now I just need to work on me and getting myself in check, feelings and issues alike.