A Fool's Revenge

Me And My Sins Go Toe-To-Toe.

~Two weeks earlier.~
It's been a little over three months and I'm not gonna lie, I've been a rollercoaster of emotional craziness. I've had up days and the super down low ones but I've survived till now.

See it my way, all my really close friends are gone. I love my coworkers but when it comes to opening up to them, I can't. I'm surprised I still have a job after the stunt I pulled a few days ago.

Long story short, some dumb bitch and her boyfriend came in and started making snarky remarks about how depressing I was, I lost it and punch the girl in the face. Dave wasn't too happy so he sent me home for the rest of the week. Now here I sit on the cold tile floor of my bathroom; a slice away from cracking. I've kept myself from it for so long, longer than I ever expected to.

I haven't heard from Mike in two weeks, any of them, and I'm crumbling without as much as a simple text. Chris and the other guys left not long after Mike did, Austin came to see me a couple weeks ago and I knew he would call soon to see how I was. I had grown attached to having Chris, Balz, Ricky or Austin here to talk to but now that there all gone I have no one. It all stays bottled up because I feel too bad calling them just to whine about how lonely I am.

I started to cry and ran the blade along my hips. I quickly tossed the piece of metal across the room after I honestly realized the damage I had done. I'll never be able to hide it from Mike when he comes home. I got up slowly with wobbly legs and limped over to the sink. I ran a small face towel under cold water and held it to my gushing hip.

~Now~

I sat in the couch, vaguely watching TV and drinking tea. The violent vibrating from my phone against the coffee table startled me. It was a blocked number so I hesitantly picked it up.

"Hello?" I said and the voice on the other side laughed.

"Jay, it's just me chill." Josh laughed and I scoffed which just made him laugh more.

"I just wanted to say, I'm flying up tomorrow and was wondering if I could stay with you while I'm in Cali. It's okay if you say no.."

"Josh, you honestly think I wouldn't let you stay with me? You know me better than that." I chuckled slightly.

"Yeah, I knew you wouldn't say no. I guess I'll see you sometime tomorrow. I have an early-ish flight so I should probably get some sleep seeing as it's already half past eleven. Knowing you, you're watching the news and drinking that night time tea that helps your sleep." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes. They all knew my routine.

"I really need to change things up." I mumbled and he laughed again. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night, Jay. Oh wait! Before you hang up, have you heard from the guys?" Damn, I was hoping he wouldn't ask.

"No. None of them." I mumbled as finished off my tea and shut the TV off.

"I'm sure one of them will call you soon. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"
Yeah, night Josh." I sighed and hung up before I got the unbearable lecture that I knew was bound to come tomorrow.

I slowly walked up to my lonely room and as I slid into my chilly bed an idea popped into my head. I would definitely act on it when Josh got here because I'm terrible with decision making.

*NEXT DAY*

I woke up to the same thing as I always did on a Friday morning; Law & Order: SVU. I turned my TV off and hopped in the shower and got ready. I made it quick and dressed super comfy because I wouldn't be doing much today.

I made myself breakfast- late lunch actually because it was almost two in the afternoon. Not soon after I sat down with my plate of pancakes the doorbell rang. I don't think that doorbell has been used since I moved back here from Santa Barbara. I chuckled at the thought as I opened the door.

"I'm baaaack." Josh chuckled and scooped me up in a big hug. Honestly, I needed a good one.
I didn't say anything just smiled and ushered him in. I took two of the pancakes off of my plate and put them on a separate one for him. He sat across from me at the table with an analytical look strewn on his face.

"What's going on?" he asked hesitantly and I looked up from my half eaten short stack of pancakes. I simply shook my head as if nothing was wrong and subliminally rubbed the barely healed lines on my right hip.

"How's the response to the album so far?" I said in hopes to change the subject. I could tell he wasn't having it though.

"Good... C'mon, it's just us here. You can tell me what's going on. Shit, Jay, I came here and cried to you. Tell me what's going on. I know it's about Mike. You do this every time he leaves." He rambled and I felt bad. I told myself I wouldn't shut everyone out again this time but I guess I did anyways.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

"I'm just all alone in this house. I have nothing here to do. I've gone to see Mike's family a few times but that was about it. I got kicked out of the tat shop for a week because I got upset and punched some girl who was making comments with her boyfriend so I don't even have work to occupy me." I said lowly. I was ashamed that I punched the girl; I did apologize to her in the end.

"Is that all?" he already knew. I nodded my head and even though he didn't believe me he dropped it for now.

"How's the girlfriend situation?" I asked after a long awkward silence of eating our pancakes. I picked up our plates and rinsed them off in the sink and turned around to see his bashfully smiling down at the table.

"Oooh, Joshy has a girlfriend! Tell me about her!" I said playfully and a slight blush flooded over his cheeks.

"She's amazing. She's pretty much the girl version of me. Her name's Ryan and she's just perfect. " He smiled sheepishly at the ground. I couldn't help but smile at how happy he was. It actually makes me wonder if Mike ever looks like that when he talks about me to people.

"That's good. I can't wait to meet her." I said with a bright smile. He just smiled and we stayed quiet for a little while.

"So are you gonna tell me?" he asked quietly as if someone was listening to us.

"Tell you what?" I inquired. He went to speak but stopped.

"That you hurt yourself. You're lucky it's me here and not Chris or Ricky because they would be pissed. You're even luckier that it isn't Devin standing here because it'd be way worse than anything Chris or Ricky could ever dish out." He rambled a little then just shook his head and just looked at me with these sad disappointed eyes. I just let my head fall because honestly, I was disappointed in myself.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could muster up though it didn't fix what I did. What's done is done and I'm hoping to keep the promise I made to myself that I will never resort to that again. He laughed sarcastically and I got scared.

"Ya know, I never expected it to get this bad when all of us left. Shit, you're the strong one of all of us. And I mean ALL of us. I knew you would shut us off but I really never thought you would do something like this. I'm not gonna yell at you or tell you how reckless you were being but I will tell you that you need to talk to Mike about it. Whether it be when he calls or when he gets home. He's gonna find out regardless." He babbled and I sighed. I was gonna tell Mike the next time he called but he hasn't.

I just nodded and he put on a small smile.

"C'mon. Let's go do something to cheer both of us up." I put on a small smile myself and felt a little better that that's all he said of the matter. I went upstairs and put on some shorts and came back down.

"I have a place that we could go and I know how great you are with helping me pick things out. I'll drive." He looked at me a little scared but reluctantly walked out the door with me.

I drove around for a while looking for the building but soon enough it showed and a big smile grew on my face.