Seven Sins- Divergent/Eric fanfic Book1-2 (complete)

36~ You

Had I been killed too? That's how it felt. My heart had been torn from its place in my chest and my world had come crashing down around me. Everything had been so good over the past few days that when something bad happened it hurt more than ever, I never expected that to happen, not on that night, when we were just supposed to be having fun.

Somehow I blamed myself, I didn't know who else to blame. I wasn't thinking straight, things were going through my head that I wouldn't have thought of otherwise, it was my fault Alyssa was dead. I was sure of it.

I couldn't even blame Four, though when I saw him approaching the chasm I tried to. Everyone was confused when I started beating his chest with my fists, crying about how it was his fault. But it wasn't, not really, he had done his best to help her.

Everyone came to get a look at the dead girl in the chasm until the leaders and some guards started pushing them back through the corridors, Eric arrived too, clearly he had just been woken up and so had Max, they arrived together and stood in a huddle with the other leaders. They discussed things in hushed tones for about five minutes while Four sat with Z and I, then Eric came over and ordered Four to leave "we need to ask you some questions"

I didn't see the man who I had laid with in bed, I saw a leader, and it made me hate him. Tears were brimming at my eyes, Eric was waiting for me to do something, but I shook my head and ran away. I only heard Eric sigh and then shout "leave her, we can ask her later" I appreciated that, if anyone had come after me, I would have hit them.

The only place I wanted to go to was Eric's place, I couldn't handle seeing accommodation, I couldn't look at her box of clothes sitting on the end of her bed, waiting for her to collect it, though now she never would. Luckily Eric had given me a key, I struggled with the stiff lock and screamed at it before it eventually opened. Eric was lucky to have few possessions, if he had more they would have been in danger of getting smashed, because I was so angry. I was angry at everything, Alyssa was dead and my brain didn't know how to process that. All death is different, my parents death wasn't my fault (though that doesn't mean I was never upset with myself), but I was a witness to it. I blamed myself for Alyssa and that was why I was so angry so quickly.

Eric's glass table got the worst of my rage, the strength I didn't know I had helped me to smash my fists right through it, they bled but I hardly cared, the pain in my hands was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I traipsed into the bathroom and turned on the tap, thrusting my bloody hands under the cold water, then I got one of the black towels from the rack and wrapped it around my fists.

When I looked into the mirror I saw a girl that I hadn't seen in years, she was crying over death and angry at herself, I hadn't seen this person since my parents died, and I had hoped that I would never see her again. My back hit the bathroom wall and I cried as I slid down it onto the floor, I kept seeing her dead body in my head, caught between rocks with water crashing around her. She didn't look like she could almost be sleeping like the dead are supposed to, she looked like she was dead. And she was.

I'm not sure how long I cried, but the room started to feel suffocating, my chest was tightening and my vision was still blurred. The alcohol was still inside me but you can't imagine how much seeing a dead body will sober you up. While I cried I got up off the bathroom floor and walked on wobbly knees into Eric's room, collapsing onto his bed and wrapping myself in his sheets, I curled into a ball and cried some more into his pillow.

I needed him, I needed him to hold me and he was no where to be found. He was being a leader, he was getting to the bottom of what had happened while I was crying in his bed, I couldn't expect him to stop being a leader and drop everything to come and be with me, but I expected him to at least try and care.

Again I wasn't sure how long I was crying for before Eric came back, I heard his keys get thrown on the counter and knew the instant his eyes saw the smashed table "what the fuck?" His footsteps quickened in my direction once he saw the bedroom door was wide open, and they slowed the moment he saw me "there you are" the words didn't form in my mouth to reply, I didn't know what to say "baby?" My lips released a whimper and Eric rushed to the bedside.

He threw the sheets away so that he could scoop me up and hold me in his arms "she's dead" I croaked into his shoulder "how can she be dead?"

"Shh, it's okay" I could tell that he didn't know how to comfort me, he had hesitated before he scooped me into his arms, he had considered what to do and came to that conclusion, but now he needed to use words and like me he was out of his depth.

"I promised her that everything- that everything would be okay and I couldn't- couldn't even- why didn't I protect her? Why couldn't I keep my promise? I should have- I should have..."

"Stop that. Okay? This isn't your fault, she's not dead because of you"

Slowly I stopped crying as my mind worked through the puzzle pieces I had and how best to put them together, I slowly pulled away from Eric's shoulder and looked at him like I didn't recognise him, and this confused him "then why did she die?" He didn't reply "who killed her, Eric?" Again there was silence, and I jumped on the first conclusion that presented itself "the leaders wanted her dead... and you knew what she was... you promised me that you'd talk to them..." he realised where I was going with this.

"Wait" I slid off of his lap and stood in the doorway, my towel wrapped hands on my forehead, my head was hurting and the thoughts I was having were only causing me more pain "we didn't have Alyssa killed"

I turned around slowly, my eyes wide "you and her were gone at the same time... you could have- where were you, Eric? Where did you go when you left the Pi-" I couldn't continue, one of my hands covered my mouth and the other was on my stomach, I felt like I couldn't breathe again "oh god" I fell to my knees, gasping for breath, if Eric had murdered my best friend then I well and truly wanted to die, I couldn't live knowing that I had slept with and fallen for my best friends killer.

Eric knelt quickly in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders, but despite the fact I could hardly breathe I still managed to reject his touch "just breathe, calm down. In and out. Breathe. You need to breathe" I listened to the sound of his voice and slowly found it easier to do as he said.

"Please tell me you didn't kill her" I whimpered, tears soaking my face now.

Eric took my chin and aligned our eyes, he knew that Candors were human lie detectors, I'd know if he wasn't telling me the truth "I didn't kill her, I didn't have her killed, I was in no way involved with Alyssa Wilson's death"

I believed him. He wasn't lying to me.

I let out a cry and lifted my hand to my forehead, that's when Eric noticed the blood and the cuts "oh, baby" his tone had turned soft and he changed into the man I needed at that point.

"I'm sorry... I was so angry... and I-"

"Shut up. It's fine, okay? I don't care about the damn table" he helped me stand and sat me on the bed, he left the room for a moment and when he came back he had a first aid kit and a bowl of water and towels.

I knew that Eric didn't really know how to be that person, the person that cared, but the fact that he was trying warmed my heart, and I knew I could get through my loss if I had him by my side.