Tell Me You Love Me

Shopping With The Fam(Ninety-Six)

I didn't really know how to feel about shopping with my mom. Never really enjoyed it when I was a kid so I'm curious as to how today is going to go. I had the twins in the double stroller, and Ariana and Luke walking beside me. Ari was pretty upset that she couldn't sit in the stroller so I had to bribe her with a treat. 

And that is why her and Luke and I are drinking smoothies. I know, I'm a horrible person, but as a single parent, you kind of have to just go with it sometimes. Anyway, we met up with Mom, Paul, and Estelle at the Home-ish things store and got right into shopping. After awhile of looking around, Paul offered to push the stroller. I don't know how it happened, but somehow Estelle ended up on my back. She's almost a teenager, but she has no shame. 

It hit me suddenly that Estelle is the same age I was when I found out I was a demigod and when I went on my first quest. With Annabeth the small part of my brain added. And my mood plummeted. I slowed down a little and looked at the ground. Estelle laughed and squeezed her thighs, trying to get me to go faster. Mom looked back, her hand in Ari's, and saw my face, her own lapsing into sadness. 

"Hey honey, get off your brother, okay? You'll choke him." "Aw," Estelle muttered, climbing down. Once back on the ground, she must've sensed my mood as well. "Hey, you okay?" I nodded quickly, distracting myself by picking up a blanket and inspecting it. 

"Hey, how about you guys go on ahead," Mom suggested, giving Paul a pointed look. He glanced back at me and gave me an inkling of a smile. "I think there were some kitchen things over there to look at."

I watched silently as Paul and Estelle led my kids to the kitchen isle. Then I turned to my mom. Her brow was creased and she reached her hand up to cup my face. "How are you doing, Perce?" She asked me. I shrugged, my throat too thick to talk. 

"Are you thinking about Annabeth?" she asked gently. I nodded, a tear finding its way out of my eye. I quickly wiped it away and let out a shaky breath.

Mom wrapped me up in a hug and we just stood there for a little while. "I miss her too," Mom whispered. I tightened the hug a little and Mom rubbed my back. "Percy you are strong. You will get through this."

"But-" "No Percy. You think you owe it to the world to hurt and to grieve but you don't. Part of healing is letting go. How about you honor Annabeth by helping yourself? Percy, it's what she would have wanted."

"But I promised her," I whispered, not willing to accept what Mom was trying to propose to me. "I promised I would never forget her. That I would always love her."

"Percy, you can still do that. You just have to let go of the pain you're carrying around. It's not healthy. I'm not asking you to move on, I'm telling you you need to let it go. Promise me," she said.

I tried to take a deep breath. "Okay. I promise." "Thank you. I love you so much, baby. I'm so proud of you. How you've stayed strong and really cared for your children. You're an amazing father, Percy. I...I never thought I'd get to say that-"

I pulled her in for another hug and this time we were both crying. Luckily we were in a less visited section of the store.

"What do you say, should we go find them?" Mom asked with a smile. I took a minute to compose myself and nodded, leading the way. "I still can't believe you got tattoos Percy! They look almost natural, but...I can't get used to it."

I laughed and kept walking. I glanced down at my wrists, one sporting my sons' names and the other my daughters'. And I smiled to myself, my heart swelling with a little extra love as I thought about the cursive Wise Girl  on my bicep, written in Annabeth's beautiful handwriting. 

I love my family. They are everything I could ever need. And nothing lasts forever. Everybody dies. But that's just the way it's supposed to be. The way it always has been. And I can't change that. So the best I can do is cherish the memory of those I have lost and make the most of the time I have with the ones I haven't. And that's just it. The way things were always meant to be.

And I guess I have to live with that.