I feel like I should warn that this chapter includes depression. Does not include self harm but the idea of it.
Jimin and Y/n have been together for a long time now. Since highschool and all through his career. She's been there for him for everything. For every laugh and every tear. Every win and every loss. He can't imagine life without her and he's been so grateful for her support.
He wants to be there for her through everything just like she has for him but she won't let him. She won't show him the darker parts of her mind that he knows are there. He can see it in her eyes and he can feel it in her smile. The light isn't all there.
He tries to talk to her about it but she always brushes it off with a smile. "I'm fine." She says. He lets it drop for now but he won't let it go. He can tell she isn't actually fine. All he can do for now is just watch over her and be there for her.
He watches her and he notices something. She carries a pen around with her, clicking it every so often if she's bored. He noticed she had a few pen lines on the inside of her wrist. New lines will show up here and there over a few days. To other people it just looks like regular pen marks. He knows what they actually are.
In Y/n's mind it's a surrogate for what she wants to do but can't. She can't bring herself to do it. She just can't. So she makes the pen glide roughly on her skin, leaving a slight stinging behind that feels a bit good. She looks at it a bit closer after a particularly hard mark. There's a small scratch from the pen.
She spends some time with her family. She doesn't try to hide the pen marks. She doesn't expect them to know what they mean and she's right. They don't.
They ask, "Did you draw on yourself?" "Are you trying to count?" She doesn't answer and she hides how it hurts. They don't see it. She says she's fine no matter what happens. Even if she accidentally hurts herself she says, "I'm fine." and ignores the pain. She doesn't understand why she constantly hides her pain. She knows part is because she doesn't want people to worry.
Jimin worries no matter what she says. He loves her too much not to. He sees the pen marks and he knows they're the cuts she can't do. He sees they're the symbol of her pain inside that she tries to bury.
He goes to her house without her knowing. He has a key she gave him so he doesn't have to knock. He goes in and everything is dark. He hears faint music coming from her room. As he walks to her room the music gets louder until it drowns out his own thoughts. He knows that's why she had it so loud.
She's asleep on her bed, a pen in her hand, a few more marks on her arm. He looks closer and he sees she's drawn something on her arm.
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From his point of view it says 'I'm fine' but he knows if he sees it from her side it says 'save me'. His heart breaks a little for her. He looks around her room a bit. He hasn't been in here for a while. She's printed a few things and taped them on to the wall where her bed is.
