An Outlet: Part 7

8 July, 2019.

If yesterday, a conversation with dad brought me to tears, today it was mom's turn. She scolded me because I don't come to help her with house work even when I'm 100% free. And yeah, guess what? I feel terribly guilty of that too.

I decided to mend things with mom and helped with her with kneading the chapati dough. I'll also helped her make the vegetable (bhaaji from now on) tomorrow.

My college has done a shitty job with our placements. Apart from that one career day, there's no big scale event that seems to even be in the pipelines. Even the smallest of opportunities that do get posted on the placements group seem trash and again, none of them are related to Finance.

After some heated comments on our batch's WhatsApp group, the Vice Dean had asked us (aka the students looking for placements) to come to college on 10th July. I was all set to go for it until Gurtley's call today afternoon.

Apparently there's a townhall for one of our junior batches being held on the 10th as well and the management wants a couple of students from our batch to come and talk to these juniors and "advise them" on certain matters. I was called to talk about the digital courses we took up. They wanted us to make a presentation and give some sort of a speech at the townhall.

To be honest, a couple months back I would've considered and even perhaps gone for it. But not now. I've always looked at the bright side even when my peers called the college "a scam". I was ready to "volunteer" until they weren't able to get us placements. And that was the first thing they had promised us.

How do they expect us to help them get more students, advertise the college/courses, take any part in convincing people to join our college when we ourselves are in a fix? We did our three years in this college but what next? All their attention is focused on new admissions and it's like they've forgotten our batch altogether.

You don't do shit to help us with our future and then you expect us to help you. That's not happening, not now atleast.

My unwillingness to go for the townhall also meant that I wouldn't be attending the placements thingy. It's not like they even had anything major planned. That was a spot decision due to someone's outburst. They would've communicated to us if they had something concrete planned.

It's probably just me but I feel like the management will try to use the grade improvement episode as a leverage to get work done out of me and I don't want to give them a chance to. As it is my hopes from getting a placement through college is increasingly becoming bleak. I want to sought them only when I know they won't unfairly use me to their advantage.

I finally finally opened my career doc today. I didn't get much done but it's a start. And I think I'm determined to work faster now. Yes. I am.

So I watch these vlogs by Americans who are my age and they seem sooooo independent which gives me inferiority complex. They figure their own stuff out, take important decisions on their own, pay for themselves and are so much more ready for this world than I am. And it's going to take me SO MUCH to get to their level of independence.