cigarettes after sex | hyunin

nine

* tw : rape (don't read the flashback if that's triggering to you.)

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jeongin relaxed into his couch with an audible sigh, he still had the thought of all those people and what hyunjin did to them made him feel sick to him stomach, he couldn't understand why anyone would want to be treated like that. the thoughts just made him more and more anxious.

it triggered so many buried memories in his mind, memories he forced himself to forget. hot tears burned his eyes, "stop thinking about it!" he shouted at himself and buried his face into his hands.

all he could think about were hands all over his body as he cried begging them to stop, "stop jeongin stop" his voice was weak and his eyes were clouded from the tears.

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flash back to 1 year ago

"l-let go of me!" jeongin whimpered as he was forced up against the wall of the club bathroom, his cheek hit the cold tiles harshly which caused his cheek to throb in pain. he didn't know what was happening nor why it was happening to him.

"shut up." a low voice said and tugged down jeongins pants making him cry harder, "s-stop! d-don't touch m-me!" he tried to protest but it only caused the other to hit him in the face.

jeongin vision was blurry from the tears and the sudden attack to his face. he felt so weak. he cried out in pain, "p-please stop" but every time he spoke only made the other more angry, his thrusts becoming harsher.

everytime he fought, the attacker grew stronger and hurt him even more. bite marks and hickeys were littered around his skin under his torn up clothes.

once the man came he zipped up his pants and left, leaving jeongin to fall on the floor feeling traumatised, he couldn't move - between his legs being week and the shock of what happened he was completely immobilised.

"jeongin! there you are ive been looking everywher- oh my god what happened..?" chan found him there, curled up on the cold tiles with bruises everywhere, his clothes ripped and his pants at his thighs.

chan said nothing more and cleaned up his friend, taking off his jacket and dressing jeongin back up and took him home.

end of flashback

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jeongin felt frustrated with himself that he remembered such a gruesome memory of his but the ex partners of hyunjin reminded him of himself. he remembered the morning after that night and looking at himself in the mirror; he looked so pale, fragile and broken, all sorts of bites, hickeys and bruises over him.

he would never associate hyunjin with being someone like his rapist but the way those people looked, it felt so wrong. reading those articles felt so triggering to him. "you're just being stupid." he mumbled to himself and tried to justify the situation.

ever since what happened, jeongin blamed himself. he blamed himself for being easy. he blamed himself for letting himself get dragged away. he blamed himself for being so naive. jeongin was just 19 when it happened. he felt left out that all his friends were out clubbing without him so he got a fake id, which he soon regretted as the night only went downhill. if only he hadn't been so stupid.

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a few days had passed and jeongin still didn't turn up to work. he needed time for himself and didn't care what the consequences were of ditching work as he was too upset to do anything.

the boy was minding his own business when he heard a knock at his door, he assumed it was felix so he got up and opening the door. "h-hyunjin?" he gulped and stood there shocked. jeongin wanted to slam the door in his face but he couldn't move, all the thoughts he had came rushing back into his head and he backed away.

"why are you here." jeongin whispered and felt his eyes water. this was probably the most fragile he had felt in a long time, jeongin often had flashbacks from the day of his assault but recently he had been crying himself to sleep and just been an overall mess.

hyunjin reached out a hand to wipe jeongins tears away but the younger flinched and backed away further, "please don't hurt me." it was almost a whimper in how he talked. this only made hyunjins heart melt, "why would i hurt you jeongin... what's wrong with you i'm worried. you haven't been at work in days and you look exhausted." hyunjin tried to walk closer but jeongin took a step back for every step hyunjin took forward.

the older only sighed and turned to the door, pausing, "i'll leave you alone then, but you need to come into work or you'll be fired. the annual fundraiser is next week and you have work piled up. this is the most important time in the year so you need to get your shit together." hyunjin said harshly out of frustration. he hated how jeongin rejected his affection, hyunjin wanted that boy so badly.

once jeongin was left alone he slid down the front door and broke down into tears. "i don't know what to do anymore." he whispered to himself.

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sorry i know this chapter is
a bit upsetting :(

- rin ᵕ̈