cigarettes after sex | hyunin

fifty-seven

maybe he was stupid, maybe not.

but he couldn't risk it.

hyunjin knew what those words meant, the times he had caught him say it each time never ended well. he knew it was jeongins way of telling him that he was trying so hard to stay alive but he just couldn't anymore. but hyunjin could never let him die, not like this.

as he ran up the stairs he remembered the fact jeongin had said felix had left to go stay at changbins house for the night so no one was able to let him in - if the only way to get in was by breaking the door down, that was exactly how he was getting in.

"baby?" hyunjin called, banging on the door in hope that maybe he would answer but of course, nothing. he sighed and looked around the hallway so no one was there before kicking the door down with as much force as possible. finally, the door swung open and he ran in, searching for the boy.

"JEONGIN? baby where are you..." he called out for him again, turning his phone on to try and call for an ambulance in case what he was thinking was true. hyunjin panicked more and more when he was no where to be found... not in the bathroom, his bedroom nor felix'.

that's when it hit him.

the balcony.

hyunjin collapsed onto his knees in relief when he had found him. he was ok. the elder sighed and looked up to see jeongin fine until he realised what was actually going on. his eyes widened and he shot up as fast as he could, reaching out for the younger.

jeongin had just noticed the boy and looked at him shock, he wasn't expecting hyunjin to be there at all but he gathered that the older had probably figured out what he was doing. but the shock only caused jeongin to slip, but falling to the ground wasn't just what was going to happen. he was going to fall and have nothing to land on.

"JEONGIN!"

* flash back *

jeongin looked up at hyunjin as the older wiped down his cuts for what seemed like the hundredth time during their relationship, he always felt so guilty when hyunjin found out about his self harm yet so comfortable that he always was there to help.

"you told me you were going to stop.. what's going on little one?" hyunjin whispered in a soft tone, kissing jeongins forehead to let him know it was ok and even though hyunjin hated the fact he hurt himself he would never get mad at him ever.

"i'm struggling jinnie... when you're not around i don't know how to cope. everything's fine when i see you- but i've already hurt myself by then." jeongin sobbed into the boys arms, wincing slightly at the pain on his wrists but he had learnt to ignore it.

hyunjin sighed slightly and held the younger back delicately, so desperately not trying to hurt the smaller anymore. he hated how he was the cause of jeongins pain, but he knew he was always the way it fixed up too.

jeongin felt so stupid crying in his arms but loved how hyunjin would always make him feel good again. as he was carried back into their shared bedroom in hyunjins arms he nuzzled into him and kissed his neck, "promise you won't hurt me anymore jinnie?"

"i- just rest up baby.."
"i love you."
"i love you too innie."

*end of flash back*

'it's not supposed to end like this' hyunjin thought, running forwards in attempt to grab the boy who was loosing his balance. jeongin attempted to hold the metal railings but found it too slippy to grip onto and the small ledge his feet were on felt like it was getting smaller and smaller each second.

"HYUNJIN!"

"it's fine baby i've got you." hyunjin said calmly once he had finally grabbed onto the boy, holding onto him so tightly it hurt the younger. hyunjin was sobbing uncontrollably, traumatised to the fact he nearly watched the love of his life attempt to end his life for the second time.

"h-help me over jinnie- i- i don't want to die!" jeongin screamed in a high pitch scream, so terrified of how high up he was and the fact he could fall at any moment. this wasn't the first time he had tried to commit suicide, but this was the first time he had been scared to die.. maybe because the other times he was loosing conscious, but now he was wide awake and terrified of dying.

"calm down princess.. please!" hyunjin sobbed, unable to pull up the younger due to the boy shaking and himself being weak from crying. the glass panel that separated the two of them was too high for jeongin to just jump over and hyunjin wasn't able to pull him up either.

"h-help me p-please!" jeongin begged and hyunjin held on tightly to the sides of his arms. hyunjin was still in shock so he wasn't able to think of a solution straight away, so he was left panicking instead.

"just try and get up i'll pull you up." he said weakly, the younger trying to do as he said, trying to push himself up again but failed and slipped again.

"J-JINNIE!" jeongin screamed, this time his feet not landing on the ledge, so the only thing keeping him up was hyunjins hold. the older was slipping too, his half of his body hanging over the balcony as he tried to pull jeongin back up.

hyunjin let go of one arm and focused holding onto jeongins left arm instead, pulling him back up so he landed on the other side of the balcony. jeongin was safe.

but maybe there was something else intended for hyunjin.. maybe he was being punished because although jeongin landed safely...

"SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE..."

"did that boy just fall out of that building?"

"HYUNJIN!"

"

uh oh 😵‍💫
on a better note-
i changed the
cover lol :)

- rin