cigarettes after sex | hyunin

fifty-six

time felt like it had stopped right now, them both sitting out on the balcony and sharing eachothers company. it felt so strange yet familiar... how they used to be lovers to now close to strangers.

jeongin had fallen so far out of love yet he still love him? the emotions were scrambled and so unexplainable that all he needed was clarification. he just wanted to know why hyunjin was doing this to him. was it all just a sick game?

"why jinnie. tell me." jeongin said breathily, trying not to break down for the second time that very night. he hated how obvious he made it that he was so upset over hyunjin and what he had done but how could he not? hyunjin had made him obsessed with him only to chase him away - quite literally.

"i told you i wanted to hurt you baby... you should've left when i warned you." the elder replied, barely making eye contact as he couldn't bare to watch as jeongins eyes sparkled in the moonlight and how his lip waved to hold back tears.

"i gave you everything jinnie-"

"and i warned you. i can't change the past jeongin. i'm fucked up, i cant change that either.. although i hate myself for what i've done, i cant let it go.. i cant stop chasing you."

jeongin stayed still as he let the tears drip down his face, stinging his eyes as he looked out at the busy streets of seoul from this height. the boy couldn't understand it, why he was the one to receive such punishment in life when he had only done good... why the whole world was against him. but nothing more teared him down more then hyunjin.

"why me?"

"because you're the only person i've loved. i need you jeongin, you're mine and i'll never let you go. even if i leave you be, i'll still be here for you and i'll never forget you." hyunjin whispered in a tone that felt so comforting to listen to, so cruel.

jeongin got up out of his chair and leant up on the railings of the balcony, looking up at the stars and moon, then turning his head to look at hyunjin. he looked so pretty yet so pained that it hurt the elder. watching such a beautiful boy cry his heart out due to his own mistakes.

hyunjin hated himself for what he had done to an already troubled boy, he knew he was vulnerable, he knew he was weak - and that was partly why hyunjin found himself so amused. he hated to admit but he loved it, he loved the thrill of hearing jeongin scream and feel scared. but at the same time it pained him that he was so fascinated.

"you're so gorgeous." hyunjin said, getting up after jeongin and walking towards his slender body. he noticed how the younger looked slightly more thin, loosing a bit of weight since they were last together. hesitantly, hyunjin wrapped his arms around his waist and nuzzled his face into the boys neck, tearing up at the familiar scent.

"let's stay like this for a while, i know we're finished but let me have you one more time... please princess." hyunjin whispered, his voice shaking as he spoke due to the fact he was on the verge of crying. jeongin only froze up, so conflicted on what to do but as soon as he was called 'princess' he relaxed into the olders body and smiled sheepishly.

"i hate how easy you can get your way." the blonde chuckled, turning his head back slightly to catch a glimpse of hyunjin and for a second - time had paused. nothing else was happening to them, only one another.

the younger looked away quickly, internally cursing at himself for being so dumb... how stupid was he to let hyunjin back in even if it was just for an hour or so. jeongin remembered that night, when he looked into the olders eyes and felt absolutely nothing... so if he felt that then, why was he falling in love with hyunjin all over again? why now? why now after he did the worst he could to him? why?

"the moon is beautiful, isn't it.." jeongin whispered, looking up at the night sky. the words slipped out so easily, his confession one he hoped hyunjin didn't pick up on like he had before. to stop the elders train of thought he turned around completely and smashed his lips onto hyunjins.

the kiss was passionate as so so so desperate, they were both starved from each other's touch. jeongin couldn't help but whimper at the slight biting on his lower lip and wrapped his arms around hyunjins body to pull him closer. he didn't care if he was being naughty, going against everything he had promised himself if they met again.

but this was the last time they would see each other before parting... so jeongin was making the most of it.

once the kiss was over they both rested their foreheads on one another's, staring into eachothers eyes with a slight pant. "you should leave now hyung." jeongin said softly, removing his arms from the olders frame and taking a step back.

hyunjin bit his lip and shook his head, he couldn't leave just yet, he had too, but it was too hard to leave. "baby please just give me a second chance..."

"i gave you a second chance, and a third.. and forth.. and probably more. i can't do this jinnie." jeongin said with a frown, biting so harshly down on his lip that it bled. he couldn't believe that he was actually saying bye. they were both madly in denial.

once they had both spoke for longer hyunjin finally got the courage to leave, because it took more to leave then to stay. he felt himself empty out the further he stepped away from jeongin, how he felt himself die a little.

"good bye hyunjin."

maybe this was good for both of them.. that they were finally splitting. at first the only reason hyunjin was so mad at jeongin leaving is because he did it without asking but now? seeing how scared and sad he made jeongin made him so angry with himself and he knew he had to let the boy go.

hyunjin left felixs apartment without looking at him or speaking a word, he was ashamed of himself really and knew as soon as he got home he'd stay there for a while. maybe he would pop out occasionally and go to jeongins favourite places not to meet him, just to hope he was there and catch a glimpse of him.

everything was fine until hyunjin was about to be in his car, still recalling the whole night in his head with a sad smile. how jeongin touched him, how jeongin kissed him, how-

wait.

"JEONGIN" hyunjin screamed, leaving his car and making his way up to the apartment again. he ran as fast as his legs could take him, not sure wether to scream or to cry. how he recalled the night and remembered jeongins words... how the boy said such a thing...

'the moon is beautiful, isn't it'

"

i finished my exam week
yayyyy ! i'm so tired :(((

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY
HYUNJIN IS BACK !!!!
I CANT BELIEVE IT OMG !!
HE LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL
IN THE MIXTAPE MV AND
I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM
IN JULY SO THATS THE BEST
BDAY GIFT EVER AND JUST
THE BEST THING IN GENERAL
(BTW MY BDAY IS JULY 14)
BUT I MISSED HIM SM OMG
IVE BEEN CRYING ALL DAY

-rin