cigarettes after sex | hyunin

forty

jeongin was lay beside the elder in his bed, but it didn't feel normal, their limbs weren't tangled in each others nor were they whispering sweet nothings. they were engulfed in silence and far apart.

hyunjin was back but jeongin still felt empty.

it was as if something changed within the month they were apart but neither knew what it quite was. it wasn't that there was nothing to talk about nor that they felt awkward, in fact they had the most to talk about and the silence felt seemingly comfortable yet it still wasn't right.

jeongin got out of bed, walking out of the room to go get a drink. this whole night was supposed to be perfect yet he still felt lonely with the person he usually felt the most fun with. the blonde pored himself a shot of a spirit he guessed was probably his roommates and downed it in one go - maybe alcohol would make his mind and body easy up a bit.

as for the other boy, he lay in bed thinking, staring up at the ceiling with too many thoughts yet his mind was blank. hyunjin felt just as empty as the latter, something about their relationship didn't feel the same and it was sad honestly. how they went from being all over one another to whatever they were at the moment.

hyunjin didn't know what to do but he could tell this was hurting jeongin the most, the was the blonde had been waiting for his arrival for so long, had been longing for his touch for a month yet this is what the reality was.

"baby?" the tall male called, getting out of bed to check on jeongin - jeongin who was now a little tipsy from drinking by himself with a bottle he was still confused on what it was, just finding it on the counter top. "baby?" hyunjin repeated, this time with confusion in his voice when he saw the state he was in.

"hm? what." jeongin replied rather rudely and seemingly not interested in the elder, he was more focused on himself and having 'fun' which translated to drinking away his emotions.

"why are you drinking?" hyunjin asked with a frown, getting closer to the smaller male to take away the now nearly empty bottle (which hyunjin knew well that it was full at least half way the last time he had seen it.)

"because i can- don't take it away!" jeongin whined, reaching out his hands to get the unknown liquor back but due to hyunjin being stronger over all and him even more weaker from intoxication, he was left without a drink and instead a pout.

"talk to me jeongin, why are we like this? why do we feel different?" the long haired male said whilst putting away the drink then leaning up against the kitchen counter. he looked over at jeongin and felt himself hold back a smile at how pretty he was - how he wore one of his flannels and so it was too big on him, hanging on his frame so nicely with the buttons done up ever so slightly. his long and tanned legs were so pretty too, and those thighs hyunjin loved so much looked to bare for his liking, he missed seeing them all bruised and claimed for him.

"i don't know. but what do you expect? leaving me for a month, you know i don't like change like that hyunjin. it's not easy for me to just slip back to normal like you can. i'm trying ok!" jeongin said, raising his voice a little that it made hyunjin forget all of the sexual things on his mind and change them to more confused ones.

"what so you're blaming me for needing to work?" hyunjin replied with his brows furrowed, his tone showing obvious hints annoyance in it. he knew jeongin didn't like change but sometimes not everything was handed for the boy on a platter and the older couldn't quite understand why jeongin didn't see it like that too.

"no hyunjin.. i never said that-" the blonde paused and looked away, he wasn't sure on how to voice his thoughts and usually hyunjin would be more understanding but the hyunjin stood before him felt different then the one he was used to. "fuck! why am i even explaining myself!" jeongin voice had raised to a shout, making the older jolt a little at the sudden anger coming from the smaller.

"why are you raising your voice at me." hyunjin said sternly, his hand hitting the counter with a small bang that caught the youngers attention. "i don't know why you think you shouldn't explain yourself. right now you're being strange, innie, i don't like it. talk to me." the older said, speaking fairly calmly as he didn't want the situation to turn to an argument.

"oh stop trying to be this amazing guy hyunjin. this perfect boyfriend because you're not. i'm waiting for you to fuck me over, waiting for you to get bored of what you can do with my body and then leave." jeongin was beginning to slur his words and although what he was saying hurt hyunjin, he knew it was just the alcohol talking.

"baby don't say that. i love you i don't want to leave you ever again... come on let's go back to bed, you'll wake felix up." hyunjin spoke softly still, not caring if jeongin was borderline shouting at him now. all he wanted was for the younger to be calm and he knew he had to show that first in order for the younger to follow.

"you said you'll never leave but you left me for a month. you don't care about me and you never did. i hate it so much that i've fallen for a guy like you." the blonde screamed at him, rejecting the hand that hyunjin put out for them to go back to his room.

and with those words, something changed in the older. from his calm and patient manner flipping, almost instantly. so much so even jeongin tensed up because of the sudden change in hyunjins expression, how it was no longer soft and caring anymore, instead he just looked plain angry.

"are you being fucking serious right now? you say so much about me not caring about you and that i'm so shitty.. why don't you leave me then huh? all you do is whine, complain and talk so much shit about me jeongin i've had enough of it." hyunjin started, his voice not even amounting to a shout, but the tone in his voice was so stern that it made the younger already feel scared of him.

"you're so selfish it's unbelievable... i do everything i can for you, i care for you more than anyone else in this world and you take me for granted. you act as if i went on holiday for a month, no jeongin, i was at work like everyone else and what did i do for you? i begged and begged and begged for you to have those weeks off of work because i know you were struggling to go in."

"jinnie-"

"no, don't give me this 'jinnie' bullshit! let me talk for once ok? i've had to deal with your shit for such a long time now and do everything in a way that makes you happy. what about me? for once do you ever take time out of your day to think about anyone but yourself?! huh? i put you so high, above everyone else yet here you are still pissed at me for working? sorry that i'm not as immature and pathetic as you are jeongin. fuck you."

"where are you going..?" was all jeongin managed to choke out, everything hyunjin was saying was true and it hurt like hell. he couldn't argue back because he was right, so right - and he brought this on out of nowhere so hyunjin had the right to be angry, but it still hurt.

no response.

this time hyunjin didn't pause to feel the guilt of the crying boy in front of him, or to sympathise that maybe he was being too harsh. hyunjin was sick of it - sick of jeongin and his behaviour. and with that hyunjin put on his shoes and left, he left again, but this time.. jeongin was fearful about one thing... that he wasn't going to come back.

"you said you didn't want to leave me ever again.."