cigarettes after sex | hyunin

fifty-nine

life was a peculiar thing. that one would be born to live for only a few years just to die again. that how you spent your life would contribute to whether you were a good person or not. jeongin knew his quality of life was poor, well shit, he was sat in hospital next to his boyfriend hoping he wasn't going to die.

he was told that although he was breathing, that didn't mean he was one hundred percent going to survive. his breathing was unsteady yet not unstable enough for him to be put in a coma. so there hyunjin lay, with a broken arm, broken leg, a fractured rib and some trauma to the head.

the guilt that was consuming jeongin felt unbearable, i mean, he knew this was all his fault no matter what anyone would say. this would've never happened if he wasn't so selfish. just like last time, he realised that maybe dying right now wasn't the answer. as he sat beside hyunjin hoping for his recovery, knowing that if he ever lost him he wouldn't be able to become a normal functioning member or society again.

"hyunjins been unconscious for a few days now... we're a little bit worried about him. it's a miracle he survived from such heights but i'm not sure what his mental state will be like when he wakes up." the doctor said, making the younger nod his head and stay silent, he hated this. he hated the fact hyunjin hadn't woken up in four days and it was all down to him.

once they were all alone, jeongin found himself breaking down in tears, clasping onto hyunjins hand and moving the olders hair out of his face. how he managed to still look beautiful even when he was in hospital. jeongin was so scared on what to do, when the time came that he actually woke up... what would he do.

he knew it would be near impossible to go back to normal but maybe, just maybe they were able to try once more. although jeongin said he wanted to give up, he knew deep down he wanted the opposite. he had never loved anyone before but the love he gave and received from hyunjin felt magical - he never wanted anyone else.

jeongin knew hyunjin well enough to know that he too felt the same as he had never loved anyone as much as he had loved jeongin. even yeji, being hyunjins only sibling and being so overly protective, he had learnt to put jeongin over her too. speaking of-

"oh jeongin.. i came as fast as i can." yeji said, closing the door behind her before embracing the younger into a tight hug. due to her being in a group it wasn't exactly easy to slip back home, especially because she was out of the country. "is he doing ok?" she asked softly, sitting beside the younger who was trying not to cry.

every time jeongin remembered about hyunjins condition or had to speak about it he would just start balling his eyes out each time, being consumed with guilt. "he hasn't woken up yet." he said so plainly, there being such little emotion in his voice that it made yeji frown.

"although he's my brother, i know how hard this must be on you. you don't deserve this... you know we're close and so i always talk to him about you and recently i know he's been treating you badly but-" she paused and reached out for jeongins hand, "stay with him jeongin. i know that's a lot to ask but i've never seen him happy unless he's with you... he has times in his life when he's unbearable, trust me, i know. but when he's good, he's amazing. this will pass over and i know he will treat you the way you want to be treated." yeji said softly, smiling lightly and shaking her head playfully at jeongin who was now crying in her arms.

"yej, i love him so much but it's just so hard to love him sometimes... he can be so cruel..." the blonde whispered, so thankful that someone was there to listen to him. most of the time jeongin wished yeji was around more often as she was one of the kindest people he knew and the only person hyunjin trusted besides himself.

"i know innie, i know. but you know he'd do anything for you, he'd die for you-" yeji said, stopping to look at the unconscious boy. jeongin just nodded his head, hating how that was the truth, how he really would die for him because if not - hyunjin wouldn't be battling for his life right now.

jeongin turned back to look at hyunjin and smiled softly, wiping his tears away with one hand and the other holding onto the older males. he took a deep breath and pecked his hand, holding it to his heart. "c-could we be alone?" jeongin asked softly, turning to yeji breifly before looking back at the other.

"of course." she hummed before getting up and leaving the room to sit at the seats beside the door. he loved how kind the older was, she was like the older sister he never had. a savour to their relationship sometimes honestly.

"so..."

jeongin took a deep breath and held back tears whilst looking at the lifeless body of his usual cheerful boyfriend. besides their recent issues, hyunjin would've been wiping away his tears and reassuring him like he always did, he felt so guilty that he never took time to ask if hyunjin was ok. maybe that was the reason he went mad? because he was constantly looking after jeongin, so much so he became neglected himself - all hyunjin ever wanted was to be loved.

"i haven't spoken to you yet and it's been a few days... guess i've been afraid to talk to you like this because it's all my fault." jeongin started with a sigh, rubbing on hyunjins hand with his thumb lightly. "i don't know if you're listening or not but i need to apologise for what i've done. sure you've treated me like shit the past few months but i've never sat down and wondered why or even bothered to ask you. when i went crazy, you stuck beside me and always reassured me... but i just left you to rot and ran away."

"i'm so sorry jinnie. we're both awful people, so can we be awful together? i can't ever imagine myself loving someone who's not you. remember all that time ago when we had our first argument and you settled it by saying 'can we start over?' and we did just that... i remember thinking how silly you were back then but honestly i miss us when we were like that. when you wake up, i'm going to make us start again jinnie, because i'm never leaving you again."

jeongin spoke so passionately, so obviously in love with hyunjin that he hated himself for falling out of love with him even if it was for an hour or two months. at least now he knew that this was meant to be, that no matter what happened fate brought them back together.

"and i'll do this because i love y- h-hyunj-jin?" jeongin stuttered, almost feeling like he was going to pass out from what he was seeing. hyunjin was opening his eyes, finally. before he could say or do anything else he pressed on the button to notify the nursed and rushed out to tell yeji what was happening.

the two ran back into the room and sat down for hyunjin to hopefully wake up feeling all well and able to talk again, they both knew and instant recovery was impossible but they just wanted to hear his voice - especially jeongin as the last thing he had heard the older say was him trying to help jeongin get over the balcony, only seconds after falling himself.

"has he don't anything else?" the nurse asked, checking up on the boy who was just fluttering his eyes open. "n-no not yet." jeongin said breathily, reaching out to hold hyunjins hand once more. this action made the older look in his direction.

jeongin smiled with such a beautiful and warm smile, happy tears running down his cheeks as hyunjin was finally awake. the brunette positioned himself up with a little help from the nurse before looking back at jeongin with a confused face, then looking at yeji.

"i missed you yej" hyunjin said weakly, smiling at his sister with an equally as weak smile. he looked awful really, every other part of his body either bruised or broken, his face so pale it was almost blue and how tired he looked despite being out cold for four days. "i miss you too hyunjin. i'm glad you're ok." she said with a smile, before turning to look at jeongin with a smile. she knew that hyunjin was probably scared on what to say to jeongin. but the words that came out of his mouth only left the two youngest in shock.

"i'm sorry but.. who are you?"

"

sorry guys :((
this fic is just
turning super
sad + i haven't
updated my
other in a while
but ahhhh. i
think i'm going
to finish this one
before posting
on before i go :)
hope you guys
don't mind :))

-rin