cigarettes after sex | hyunin

sixty-nine

once jeongin had woken up he felt stupid, stupid for being so fragile that just thinking about things were capable of making him faint and lose conscious. he felt weak and inferior to hyunjin without having to do anything, hyunjin was a different person to what he used to be, but sometimes jeongin still has mental
battles with him instead. all he ever did was lose.

"you're awake... finally, i was worried." hyunjin said with a tear stained face, holding the younger tight up in his arms and softly stroking the boys hair. jeongin couldn't help but send hyunjin a warm smile, thankful for him to treat him well. he felt sorry that he still associated hyunjin with the monster he once was but now he was sat cuddling jeongin for dear life simply because he had fainted.

jeongin never wanted to imagine those times again, how they made him feel and how badly they effected his mental health but mostly because seeing hyunjin in such a state was never something he ever wanted to see. hyunjin was never a bad person - he had just gone through so much bad in his life that sometimes he was incapable of knowing what to do with anger and frustration, therefor taking it out on the person closest. and that ended up always being jeongin.

"jinnie-ah?" jeongin called softly, his eyes still droopy, and lifted a hand to caress hyunjins cheek with a soft pout on his lips. hyunjins tear stained face only upset the younger, making him feel guilty at being the cause of his tears despite he had no control over his body. hyunjin only nodded his head and nuzzled into jeongins touch, singing with relief once he was ok.

"why did you cry?" jeongin asked, lips pointing to a frown as hyunjin continued to sniffle and hold back tears. maybe it had hurt jeongin so badly to see him in such a state due to him not seeing a fragile hyunjin in such a long time. but seeing hyunjin cry shattered his heart and made him pain from barely ever seeing him so vulnerable.

"i-i.. i don't know..? i got scared you were badly hurt or- i..-" hyunjin paused, still in such a state it was hard for him to express his words. all he wanted to do was tell jeongin how great full he was for everything he had done for him whilst he was sick and even beyond that before he could remember.

hyunjin hated the fact he couldn't remember anything but he knew their love was so strong that no matter what babe was still so drawn to the little blonde. "i care for you so much innie. i promise i will make up for whatever i did in the past and i will wait until you're ready to talk." hyunjin spoke softly, smiling ever so slightly at the end of speaking and placing his hand atop of jeongins that was on his cheek.

"i'll love you forever hyunjin." jeongin whispered, moving in closer to hyunjin to hold him tight, moving his hand away from the elders shirt to place on his chest, drawing invisible shapes along his skin.

jeongin knew no matter how often he would say i love you hyunjin wouldnt be ready just yet but he needed the older to know, needed him to know how much he truly was inlove. jeongin was scarred from his past and put into even worse of states from hyunjin, yet he was also the only person who could take him out of that mindset too.

hyunjin smiled softly and pecked jeongins forehead, wrapping his arms around jeongin and pulling him up onto his chest so the smaller was lay on top of his body. jeongin was light anyway so he didn't mind. hyunjin sat admiring the pretty boy lay on him, smiling at how long his lashes were, how cute his messy hair was and just overall him.

jeongin was perfect.

hyunjin was about to open his mouth to speak, wanting to praise jeongin for his beauty but paused once he younger looked like he was ready to talk, hesitating slightly first. "jinnie there's things you need to know about me.." the blonde started, taking in a deep breath to try and calm his nerves.

"i'm not this perfect boy you think i am. i've done bad too. but most importantly is the bad that's happened to me." jeonhin said, looking up into hyunjins eyes who looked at him with deep concern, scared for what the boy was about to say in case it truly was as awful as jeongin was making it out to be.

"ever since i was young i struggled jinnie, i wasn't brought into money and my mother did drugs. my father was the only person i had and he left me. he promised to come back but never did, leaving me with my mother who turned abusive. she also left me at fifteen. that's when i met chan and he saved me i guess but i never was ok mentally, i always had panic attacks randomly and often was admitted to this psych ward that i hated. but i had to go because of self harm and other thoughts." jeongin stopped for a second, tearing up a little whilst talking so casually about the hardest parts in his life.

"me and chan dated you see... he was never right for me because he was too perfect. his parents were amazing, he had good grades, lived on his own at a young age and had a stable job. whereas i was crashing before i had enough money to settle and move in with felix. he was this perfect boy and i was never that. so when we broke up i resulted to drinking and partying... it's all i ever did."

"then one night i saw you. you were at the bar i was at whilst celebrating my new job- i think it was the most drunk i had ever seen myself." jeongin paused to giggle. "you stayed in my head the whole night, and i would've taken you home if it wasn't for work the next day. then i found out it was you who i was working for. at first i hated you. then you saved me."

"more than anyone else in the world. you meant everything to me then. our life was perfect until one tiny thing. you left me on business for a month and because i was so clingy it broke me, i became suicidal again... i'm just fragile i guess. and ever since then we never were the same."

"when you got back you were scared to touch me because of how fragile i truly was. then you-" jeongin paused, knowing that if he spoke up too early on his attempted days, hyunjin woul go crazy and he didn't want that.

"long story short we had a lot of problems... but i still love you hyunjin. more than anyone else. you're the only reason i'm alive..."

once jeongin had finished talking he looked up at hyunjin, smiling slightly as he saw hyunjin silently sobbing at jeongins story, feeling sympathetic for him. "jinnieee-ahhh don't cryyy!" he said cutely, placing a few sweet kisses over his face.

"baby?" hyunjin called as he regained his senses, feeling stupid for getting emotional but he felt guilt and sorry for jeongin and what he had been through. listening to the boy made him realise how much he cared, that even if he wasn't filled in completely in their life just yet that didn't deny how strongly he felt for jeongin. he knew he could never leave him. he-

"i love you."

"

HEY BESTIES !!!
ok so today is a
special day....
hoping yall have
remembered :)

- rin