cigarettes after sex | hyunin

fifty-five

he was asleep - finally. this was jeongins plan all along, to sleep with him so hyunjin didn't suspect anything then to leave whilst he was asleep. his bags were already packed, the only hard this was moving the bags out into the hall way to finally leave. when he was all ready, something was making him feel hesitant... he didn't feel like leaving hyunjin at all really.

the truth was, he really did fall in love with hyunjin. every inch of him. but as time passed, he slowly became a worse man - showing his true colours in the making. yet every time he dodged something thrown at him or flinched at his loud yells, it never made him stop loving him. not even one bit.

jeongin felt himself hesitate to leave, instead he just sat in the kitchen staring blankly at a sheet of paper wondering whether he should write something down or just leave. he was never one to be good with his words so maybe to just try to get it on paper would be easier, right? but the only thing that came in contact with the paper were his tears.

' bye hyunjin.
i love you '

it hurt to leave, in fact he would rather do anything else in the world than leave the man he saw himself marrying not so long ago. he knew hyunjin, he knew that maybe he just needed time to mature and move on to become a better person because he wasn't a bad person at all, he had just made mistakes and was making jeongin suffer the consequences.

* end of flashback *

"

he thought he had escaped him, not even these past few weeks stopped hyunjin from chasing him around. jeongin had been constantly on the go - sleeping at different hotels and where ever he could just to simply get away from his borderline psycho boyfriend.

hyunjin was obsessed, chasing him around everywhere that it made him feel so uneasy. he wasn't safe anywhere without hyunjin popping up there too. jeongin wasn't sure what hyunjin would do to him if he caught him again but he was scared terrified even just to look at him in the eyes.

"you can't run anymore." hyunjin whispered, backing jeongin into the corner of his old bedroom, the room where so many magical memories were shared - this alone made jeongin send a few tears, looking up at hyunjin with a soft expression.

"do you remember how good we were jinnie? how we would sit down on that bed there and talk about our future..? i miss that." jeongin sobbed, watching as felix approached in the hallway ready to call the police but jeongin stopped him with one facial expression. hyunjin kept close eyes on the younger, his expression softening too as his weakness was to see the boy crying.

"i miss when you didn't hurt me..." jeongin paused, his voice cracking as he dropped to his knees and hugged hyunjins legs, tugging at the desperately whilst still sobbing. "why hyunjin? why would you do this to me? why did you let me fall in love with you just to tear me apart?"

jeongin had been running for ages, scared of what hyunjin was capable of, but mostly scared of the fact that he still loved him. no matter how long he was trying to get away from hyunjin, he was still thinking of him the whole time.

"you told me you wanted to hurt me yet i still trusted you. i loved you jinnie- no.. i still do. and i hate myself for loving you." jeongin whimpered, eyes closing as they began to sting from how violently he had been crying.

his life had slowly become more and more meaningless nowadays. he had no job, no home, no parents, his friends barely spoke to him and the love of his life had turned crazy. there was no reason for him to live anymore.

"which had been the better way to die? i wish i bled out in that bathtub... why would you save me just to torture me anyway." the smaller looked up, noticing how hyunjins expression was confusing yet he knew what he was portraying. the older was trying to keep a straight face but deep down he was hurt to what he had caused the younger.

"b-baby.." he started, voice trembling and he crouched down to the same level as jeongin. he hated seeing him this pained, his face was way to pretty to be crying so violently... and he was the cause of it all. "i don't know what to say anymore- you were right all that time ago, i am a monster. you would have been better off without me. i just can't control myself with you. i'm greedy, i want you all to myself. you're mine now and you always will be.."

"you can't say that jinnie? you can't fuck me over then try to win me over with your words!"

"i love you."

"no. no no no no! you can't say these things!" jeongin sobbed, hitting hyunjins chest so weakly it was pathetic. he just had no energy to even try anymore. jeongins life had gone back to the days where he was alone, at rock bottoms again, and the one person who brought him out of that state put him back in it.

"today will be the last day i will see you. you will leave me alone for the rest of my life or i'll get you arrested.. but for now.. stay with me?" jeongin whispered the last part, so ashamed that he wanted hyunjins company after all he had done for him. after all the pain hyunjin put him through.. jeongin still craved that love from him he used to receive.

"

poor innie :(((
i've had six exams
this week and
have three more to
come ugh

- rin